The Woman, The Wolf, The Myth
by KaramelKat
Summary: The only female shapeshifter in the Quileute tribe discovers the beginning of her legend and existence.
1. Chapter 1

_Disclaimer: I own nothing of __Twilight __but if I did, Leah Clearwater would have had a good ending. Please review if you enjoyed the beginning.._

_July 2009_

"Leah!"

"Leah!" 

My brother Seth's voice rose in decibel over the volume of my MP3 player attached to my bra strap under my clothes. I'd been listening to music while in the middle of painting my new living space a soft, creamy shade of yellow. From the way Seth was standing in my doorway, head cocked to the side and his eyebrows drawn together impatiently, he'd been calling my name for a good bit.

My hand holding the rollerbrush of paint left the wall, dangling downward over the paint tray. My free hand which was still spattered in paint, much like the rest of me and my clothes, reached up to yank the earbuds away from my ears. "What?" My voice rebounded slightly off the empty walls of my new place. The tinny sound of my rock music blared out to where we both could hear it.

The apartment wasn't large by any standards, just a simple art studio type space over the Cameron's double car garage. It had been home to Jared's great-grandma Lorraine Huatah up until four months ago when she had passed on to the spirit world. Now, for the cheapest rent I'd ever find on the small reservation of La Push, Washington, I'd be the one calling it home.

"Jacob called. He wanted me to remind you to be there tonight," Seth informed me in a voice that had a _don't-kill-the-messenger_ type tone. He was already taking a step backward through the only door to the place.

I let out a soft huff of exasperated breath. My high and mighty Alpha had been giving me not-so-subtle reminders for the past two weeks that my presence would be required at tonight's little social gathering. The two wolf shape-shifter packs of the reservation would join together this evening around a large bonfire to eat, talk and re-tell the Quileute legends of our magic origins to the newest kid to phase, little Alex Warner.

Jacob _knew_ how I felt about the bonfire gathering tonight. He also knew that I was likely to cry off from it with the excuse of setting up my new home. I was pretty damn certain from the fact he wasn't giving me his little _reminder_ himself, that he knew I would have chewed his ear off about it had he shown up. But no, he had sent Seth, figuring my little brother to be safe from my fiery temper.

It wasn't that I minded hanging out with my packmates and friends. I loved eating, drinking and joking around with them, especially now that Rachel Black had been back from college the past few years. However, when it came time to sit down around the bonfire and listen to the old legends, I would always find myself feeling a familiar bitter resentment creep up on me. Whenever Billy or Old Quil would speak of our legends with pride, their words reflected the same gender over and over.

He. Him. Sons. Grandsons. Great-grandsons. Male Spirit Warriors.

_I _was the freak of nature; the genetic mystery. Of the entire history of Quileute legends,_ I, _Leah Clearwater was the most legendary of them all; a female shapeshifter. Not once in our history (and I have researched every story in detail) does it ever mention any woman or girl taking the form of a wolf.

I could tell Seth was expecting some sort of answer to report back to our Alpha werewolf. I gave him a slightly annoyed look and retorted, "I'll be there." When he raised his dark black eyebrows at me in disbelief I found myself scowling and repeating, "I said I'll be there Seth so I'll be there!" The pique in my tone was obvious.

Any other packmate might have been agitated by my attitude but it rolled off Seth like water on a duck's back. He was just _that_ good natured and _that _used to me. His eyebrow dropped and his dark black eyes lit up as he grinned at me. It was hard to stay upset with him when he looked so freaking happy-go-lucky all the time, and so I crinkled my nose at him which caused him to laugh.

Seth glanced around at the apartment asking, "How's it going? Do you need help?"

Three of the four walls had been painted over in my new color. I was working on the last wall, part of it already finished in my golden cream, the other part still covered in primer. Grandma Lorraine had been a fan of the color pink. Not just any pink either, she liked what the Camerons called "_Pepto Bismal Pink_".

"I got it," I told Seth with a shrug of my shoulders, "for now." I gestured to the empty room and said, "But I will need your help on Sunday with my furniture." I hadn't officially moved in yet because I was still renovating the room. I had a very specific idea in mind for my space. The Camerons were nice enough to let me paint and furnish to my tastes. The tiny, shower-stall only bathroom off the left corner of the room already had a coat of light ivory paint to help make the space look slightly bigger than it actually was. My knees could practically touch the sink vanity when I used the toilet.

The main floor of the apartment had an island cabinet bar separating the tiny kitchen sink and countertops. I was bringing in my own mini-fridge along with a microwave and hotplate for food. There wasn't a stove. Grandma Lorraine hadn't needed one. The main living space would serve as my bedroom and living area. I had already mapped out in my head where to put my bed and my two-seater loveseat in front of a tv. Yes the apartment was small, but it was _mine_.

I had worked really hard the past few years. I had earned my Associate's degree at the local community college and had transferred my credits to take online classes with a well known university. I was getting my degree in criminal studies. I worked part-time in the afternoon as a clerk at a gas station just outside of La Push heading towards Port Angeles. I also worked part-time running patrol shifts as a wolf, although the pay was really lousy, I once joked with Seth.

I had managed to do nearly everything I had told Jacob I was going to do back when I first joined his pack, except for one thing. It was the one thing I believe I truly wanted. But, no matter how many times I tried, I could never stop myself from phasing into a wolf. And it was not from a lack of trying.

I bent down to dip my rollerbrush in paint, scrubbing the excess carefully off into the tray before turning back to the wall I had been working on. From my peripheal vision I noticed Seth leaning casually against the doorjamb, his short, spiked-up hair brushing the top of the doorway. He had really grown up, passing me in height. He watched me work a moment before speaking as he lamented, "I can't believe you're finally moving out. Mom's talking about turning your room into an office, you know."

"Yeah right." Seth knew that I knew better than to believe that. Mom didn't want me to move out on my own and was worried I would become more of a recluse than she already viewed me as. "I think she's more worried you're going to turn it into a game room for you and your friends to always be eating her out of house and home."

Seth was getting ready to enter his senior year of high school and to my surprise, had managed to garner himself the unassigned title of _Leader of the Pack _to all the underage wolves who still attended school on the reservation. Colin Littlesea, Brady and Daniel Fuller, Matthew Hewes, Henry Ateara II, Tommy & Bobby Wilde, and Paul Longfree (PJ to those of us who didn't want to be confused by two Pauls) all looked up to and followed my younger brother because he was "cool" and "awesome" according to them. I don't think they realized that Sam and Jacob both, had assigned Seth the fun job of keeping an eye on them in school.

The Clearwater house had become a habitat for teenage boys. No, worse than that; they were rambunctious, teenage boys who could turn wolf at any moment. Was it any wonder I wanted to move out? I couldn't leave my room anymore without tripping over one of Seth's friends, not to mention all the missing food in the fridge.

"Oh don't worry," Seth told me with a dismissive wave. "I've got your spare key here for when we need a place to hang out away from Mom." I stuck my tongue out at him, knowing he was just teasing.

I smoothed out the paint over the primer, chatting absently with Seth while I did so. We had a variety of topics to choose from, but the fact that Alex Warner had phased was the hot topic amongst the wolves at the moment. The phasings had slowed down, only one or two boys per year, but they had not stopped completely like we had hoped when the majority of the Cullen clan left our area.

I'm not sure where most of them had gone, but I think Jacob had mentioned that Dr. Carlisle and Esme Cullen had headed up into Canada to live with some other vegeterian vampires that way. They still visited the area from time to time, checking on Bella, Edward and Renesmee Cullen. The tiny psychic and her battle-scarred husband were gone along with Jacob's arch nemesis "Blondie" and her hulk of a boyfriend. I'm not sure where they went, nor did I particularly care.

With only two vampires and one halfling in the vincinity, both wolf packs of La Push had thought our days of new shifters were over. The last of the phasings should have been two and a half years ago when the Cullens kept inviting their vampiric friends into our territory as witnesses, forcing our young ones into phasing. We didn't realize it then, how wrong our assumptions were about only vampires causing the phasing, until six months after the Volturi incident when Tommy Wilde had phased the first time. Not too long after that his younger brother Bobby phased.

We had another mystery on our hands. Why were the descendants still phasing? Who would turn next and when? Like myself, the solution to the mystery could not be found in any legends of our tribes, no matter how much the elders clung to the beliefs.

During the course of talking, I finished the last swipe of paint and stepped back to admire my handiwork. Seth approached my side and admired the color with me saying, "It looks good Leah, really good. The color suits you." 

"Don't tell any of the other guys that," I muttered. Jared probably thought I would be painting his great-grandma's old apartment solid black or blood red, hanging upside down crosses and pinning voodoo dolls of Sam and other pack members to the wall with darts. I had not left Sam Uley's pack on the best of terms with anyone.

The younger wolves didn't have the same impression of me as the older wolves did. To them, I was just Leah, Seth's older sister, who sometimes yelled at them for devouring all the snacks and never leaving any for me. To the older wolves I was the bitch, the bitter ex, and just a damn nuisance as the only girl in their all boys club.

Speaking of the all boys club, I glanced at my watch which showed we had less than two hours to get ready and help my mother get all the food stuff to the site of the latest gathering. We'd have less time once I got all the paint stuff cleaned up, leaving the plastic cloths down on the carpet while the paint dried.

Seth helped me clear out the empty paint buckets, while I rinsed the majority of paint off my hands and out from under my fingernails in the kitchen sink. "Did you bring mom's car?" I asked him while scrubbing.

"Nope," He shook his head. "I came through the forest." I scrunched up my nose in distaste. We'd have to hoof it (or paw it) back to Mom's house. The paint in my fur was going to be interesting to say the very least.

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Seth and I were helping unload the food from my mother's Ford Escape when Jacob and Nessie showed up at the fire site in his VW Rabbit. Their presence, more specifically Nessie's, was going to cause a stir. Perhaps this night would be interesting after all.

"Jake! Nessie!" Seth bounded over to greet them. Jacob was twirling his keys around one finger as he shut the car door, smiling at my brother. Renesmee Cullen, his imprint who was physically about the age of thirteen by this time, hugged my brother wairmly.

I had to bite back a small growl at the gesture. Nessie was looking like her mother more and more every day. It still sat ill with me that Bella had accidentally broken my brother's arm a few years back. To this day, I still hadn't given her a proper ass kicking in return. It wasn't the halfling's fault she resembled the leech-lover that riled me so much, but I scowled a bit at her anyways.

"Hey Leah!" Jake finally noticed me as I was loaded down with a cooler full of slaws, potato salads and pasta salads made for that night's dinner. "Glad to see you didn't bail."

I grunted a noncomittal response followed by, "What and miss your version of The Legendary Wolfman? Not in a million. I can't wait to see you screw it up Black."

Tonight would be the first time that Jacob Black, Alpha of our small pack, would take over the telling of the legends of Kaheleha and Taha Aki. Normally the role of storyteller fell to the elders of the tribe, but Old Quil had determined a few bonfires ago that the alphas needed to be able to pass on the legends themselves. Sam had retold the story at the last bonfire welcoming PJ into his pack. Now it was Jacob's turn since Alex Warner had decided he wanted to join our pack instead of Sam's.

He was the first to join our pack in a long time. Sam's pack was extremely large compared to the five of us in the _Black Pack _as we called ourselves. Jacob, myself, Embry, Seth and Quil were content to be on our own. It made it easier when you had less people sharing your every thoughts and memories. But Sam's pack was getting full and so we'd been asked to make our pack open for membership. As a pack we had discussed it. Of the five, I had objected the most. I had grown comfortable with just _'my boys' _as I thought of them.

Jacob didn't bother me too much. He kept his promise to never exert his Alpha authority over any of us. I got along with Jacob fine most days of the week because of that. We still could get on each other's nerves because both of us knew how to push each other's buttons, but we also had a mutual respect for each other due to our similarities and situations. We understood each other.

Seth was my little brother but even more than that he was my family. Some of the pack members think it's weird how I fuss over him, but I can't help my instincts. Ever since my mother first brought him home from the hospital when I was five, she would refer to him as "our baby" and ask me to help her with mothering him. I know now she did it to prevent sibling rivalry, but it's hard to switch off that protective nature I have for him.

Quil took some getting used to. He was a huge goofball and cracked jokes at the expense of others. His lame-ass jokes got worse and were his way of coping when situations were stressful, but it happened at some pretty inconvenient times to clash with my anger. It didn't help matters that he imprinted on my third cousin Claire and constantly worried over her being down at the Makah reservation without him. It was a long time before I didn't want to kick his ass over every little thing he did.

Embry was the hardest person for me to face when he joined our pack right after the Volturi left. I harbored alot of guilt towards Embry for the way I treated him when I was part of Sam's pack. It was wrong of me to take my anger at Sam and the pack out on Embry by calling into question his genetic line. We still don't know who his father was amongst the elders, but I didn't bring it up at all anymore. When Embry had joined, I had drawn him aside for a private apology. He had accepted it but my guilt had never lessened. Of all the wolves he was the quietest in our group and very good at keeping his thoughts to himself.

And then there was me, a woman thrown in to the He-Man-Woman-Hater's club. Is it any wonder I had to grow myself a set of brass ones? The only thing is, if you're a woman, it's called being a bitch. Luckily Jacob recognized within me someone strong willed who would call him out on his bullshit and gave me the position of Beta. I don't think I've ever let him down since obtaining the position.

My objections to adding more members had been overruled by my Alpha who felt we'd be a good influence to Alex. And speaking of Jacob, I held out the cooler of various cold salads to him saying, "Make yourself useful High and Mighty Alpha and take this to the tables."

The cooler was switched between the two of us and I could see Nessie's eyes riveting to Jacob's bent arms as he held it. Her cheeks were staining crimson and I couldn't help but roll my eyes. Apparently she finally was getting into boys. The teeny-bopper magazines I saw in Jacob's head last week on patrol should have warned me this phase was here.

"Also get a drool bib while you're at it," I cast my voice low enough that only Jacob heard me and he shot me a glare at my jibe. I gave him the most fake smile I could possibly manage saying a saccharinely sweet, "Thanks!"

Between the four of us, with Nessie's help, we got everything out of Mom's SUV and onto the tables. Billy Black was watching as Quil Sr., Sam and Jared were working on getting the bonfire started around all the log seating. Emily was helping my mother set up the food table, her waistline rounded out in her second trimester of her first pregnancy.

My relationship with Emily and Sam has never been good. How do you stay family with the people who broke your trust and ground your heart into a million pieces? There's only one answer. You don't. I only saw Sam and Emily at pack functions if I could help it. Time has eased the wound of their betrayal but forgiveness is still eons away.

More of the packs started to arrive. Embry and Quil pulled up honking the horn on Embry's truck. Embry and Jacob had worked in his garage for months to restore the truck. They had managed to rescucitate Billy's old beat up red truck that had once belonged to Bella before she married into money. Nobody knew how that truck had stood the test of time, but it had gained a third life when Embry took ownership of it.

Beyond the windshield I could see a third figure seated between the two. "Leah!" Claire, my young cousin and Quil's imprint clambered over him in her hurry to get out of the truck. She was six years old and would be starting first grade in the fall.

"Hey Claire-bear!" I scooped her up in my arms and then dipped her low to the ground. She giggled outrageously until I put her down. "Did you bring your bottomless tummy with you? We have alot of food to eat tonight."

Claire was giggling like mad as she said, "Yeah he's right there," pointing to Quil. It was our little routine to poke fun at him every so often.

"Ten bucks says he eats five plates," Embry added to our fun as he stepped out of the truck.

"Six," Seth said as he joined us. He took Claire from me, causing another round of giggles as he greeted her with raspberries to her neck.

"Seven," Claire piped in.

"You're on."

Neither Seth nor Embry won. Claire had set the standard, and Quil wanting to please his imprint to no end managed to stuff his gullet with seven plates of food so that she could win twenty dollars from the two losers. The indigestion alone was not worth twenty bucks in my opinion.

I sat next to Rachel Black during dinner, catching up with her. Unfortunately this meant I had to sit at the same table as Paul Lahote but he was more mellow than I had ever seen him in recent years. I was wondering about his mood until I chanced to see Rachel lifting a hot dog to her mouth and the flash of a small diamond on her left ring finger.

Well _that_ was new. I was unable to resist teasing her at that point about being a cougar which earned me several glares from Paul who was a few years our junior. Rachel took it with good humor and pointed out the obvious. "It could be worse. He could be six years old." 

"That's not a fair comparison Rachel. Mentally Claire's more mature than he is."

Paul stalked off to another table before the jibes got to be too much for him. I was slightly impressed. He really _had_ learned some control on his temper issues. Lucky bastard.

It was dark by the time the food and drink had been inhaled by everyone. With all the wolves in attendance it was hard to believe any of the regular humans had managed to eat as well but we were all stuffed. As we seated ourselves on the logs around the bonfire, the talking slowly began to fade until the only thing making noise was Quil's stomach.

I found myself sitting on the ground instead of on the log. There were more wolves than seats so I was propped into a small space on the ground between Rachel and Embry's knees, my back to the log. Seth was sitting near my mom and the elders. Quil was sitting across the fire next to Claire and Alex. Jacob was sitting with Nessie, Sam and Emily.

I regarded Alex the newest wolf. He was tall for his age of twelve just an inch shy of my height and he was beefy like Quil. He had the same dark eyes, black hair and copper skin that dominated the Quileute. What I knew of him was that his parents ran the kayak rental shop on the reservation during the tourist season. I also knew that after the legends had been told tonight, he was going to choose Jacob as his alpha.

Jacob stood up at that moment and my eyes automatically drew to him. The light of the fire flickered across his face, casting it in shadows. Smoke was hanging a bit thicker in the air tonight, likely from the summer humidity. I found myself yawning just a bit, attributing it to the combination of inhaling paint fumes earlier and now the smoke from the bonfire.

We all knew the legends by heart but we all were listening as Jacob began to speak, his voice registering the same authority his father's had always commanded when telling the tale.

"The Quileutes have been a small people from the beginning-"

My eyes drifted from Jacob, to watch the burning embers of the fire. The flames were dancing along the wood, igniting the logs from within. The heat, combined with the gentle timbre of Jacob's voice and the smoke fumes were lulling me into an almost hypnotic state. My eyelids felt heavy and my breathing deepened.

He was talking of the spirit warriors, how all the men left their bodies behind, and the women were left behind. They were always left behind. There had never been a female spirit warrior. There had never been any female in the legends until the Third Wife made her sacrifice.

Jacob had memorized the stories well, but my attention was drifting as I kept my eyes on the fire. I felt like I was listening to him speak from far away in a long tunnel. As he began to tell the story of the rivalry between Taha Aki and Utlapa, I leaned towards the left, resting on a warm leg.

We all knew that Taha Aki returned to find his body missing and that many years after his body was stolen he made a pact with a great wolf for room inside the animal's body.

I felt a shiver run down my spine and I heard a whisper of a howl, far off in the distance. The sound was full of anger and sorrow.

Jacob went on to describe how Taha Aki tried in vain to get the attention of his spirit warriors using the wolf's body language to communicate with them. Only one warrior had sought out an explanation for the wolf's erratic behavior.

_Listen._

"Taha Aki's anger was the anger of a man... the hatred was too much for the wolf's body, too human..Taha Aki transformed before his brothers."

_Listen to me._

My eyes which had been drifting shut snapped open and I turned my head to look at Rachel sitting on my right. "What?" I whispered to her, not wanting to interrupt the story but wondering why she had spoken to me.

"What?" Rachel's gaze had been upon her brother and she looked down at me curiously.

"Did you just say something?" I whispered.

"No."

I blinked in confusion. Rachel turned back to listen to Jacob as he talked. I turned my head to stare at the fire again. I could have sworn she had spoken to me.

Jacob was still talking, unaware of anything transpiring between myself and his sister. He finished the first story of Taha Aki and the transformation of our legendary warrior into The Great Wolf.

Quil of course always had to comment on the fact our wolves reflected our spirits inside, this time targeting Brady's ashy wolf coat.

After a bit of teasing back and forth, Jacob commanded for silence again. It was time for the story of the third wife and her sacrifice.

Once more I found myself feeling as if I was hearing Jacob in a distant tunnel. I must have been more tired than I thought to be dozing so easily. It had been a long day.

My eyelids were drifting downward again, the husky tones of the story being told drifting into a soft humming sound. I closed my eyes for just a moment to rest them.

I jerked awake a moment later when a long, mourning howl sounded from directly behind me. It had startled me into wakefulness, but my eyes blinked blearily against the sudden intrusion of light.

I must have been asleep longer than I realized. The bonfire had banked itself into more of a campfire size. The logs we had been sitting on were empty and I came to realize I was completely alone in the circle. Where was everyone? How long had I been asleep?

I stood to my feet, feeling a rush of anger that no one had thought to wake me once Jacob had finished telling his story. Had Alex already been welcomed into the pack? I should have been awake for that!

_Listen to me._

A shiver ran through my body as I heard the words Rachel whispered to me once again. What was that? I turned my head to peer into the shadowy forest beyond the fire's light. I tried to reach out with my wolf senses to figure out what was out there. I had a pretty decent nose and my eyesight had been enhanced since I first phased; but as I reached out to take hold of my extra perceptions, they failed me.

I willed myself not to panic but my mind was screaming without my permission. Where were my senses? What had happened to them? I took a deep breath attempting to gain my center and find that pool of warmth that I latched onto every time I phased into a wolf. I reached vainly inside of myself to find that inner fire, but it wasn't there.

_No. You cannot phase here. Listen to me._

I swiveled my head left and right, seeking the source of the voice. "Who's there? Show yourself or I'll flatten you!" I growled out the words although with my source of inner strength gone, my voice lacked conviction behind it.

Within the darkness of the woods I saw a shadow move. It circled around me, just out of sight of the firelight. I turned as it did, keeping it in my sight. For just a moment there was a strange gleam of two eyes in the dark before they disappeared as it circled back to the beginning and stopped.

It stepped forward into the circle of logs and my breath caught in my throat. It was me, or rather my wolf. I had only ever seen myself through the eyes of my pack and seeing my wolf with my own human eyes had paralyzed me.

(To Be Cont.)

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	2. Chapter 2

**Kat's Note: Thank you to all who reviewed, alerted or favorited this story! To slightly misquote Sally Field, "You like me! You really like me!" Twilight still belongs to SM. The story of The Wolf Star and the first death in the world is credited to the Pawnee Native American tribe according to wikipedia with liberties & additions given by me.**

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As I stared at my wolf, my legs locked into place by my own reaction, my brain took a slight detour as I came to realize why Sam, Jacob and the rest of the pack treated me like I was...

A girl.

Perception is a funny thing, influenced by our environment. I had always thought of myself as one BIG, BAD, wolf because I hung out with the big, bad wolves. Even though I could access my packmate's view of how I looked as a wolf, could see the physical difference through their eyes, my perception of myself was that I was just as big, strong and fearsome as they were.

Not so much.

My wolf was small. Not as small as regular wolves, but small for what we were. If Jacob, Sam, Jared and the others were as tall as horses, I'd compare myself to a jacka-NO! I was not mentally prepared to make _that_ comparison, especially since I could imagine what Paul's comments on that would be. But seeing my wolf's physical form with my own eyes, I couldn't deny that I was shorter than my brethren, sleeker and by appearances, seemed more fragile than the boys. Shit, was it any wonder they always treated me like I was weaker?

Even though I understood it now, my determination to never be underestimated because of my gender, just went up a few more notches. With that renewed resolve, my legs finally jolted themselves out of their temporary paralysis, the backs of my legs hitting a log as I stumbled backwards. I landed with a loud thump onto the seat

My gaze never shifted once from the golden gaze of my wolf who looked unimpressed by my lack of grace at that moment. I wasn't thrilled by it either. She settled on her haunches to stare at me, her ears pricked forward in what I knew as mild interest. I could understand that. I was extremely curious about her and this place we were at.

I voiced the question that had been lingering in my mind the moment my paralysis had worn off, my lips moving to ask, "Is this a dream?" I had been drifting off at the bonfire and so this had to be a dream; except everything seemed so crisp and sharp, nothing like I had ever dreamed before.

My wolf shook her head and once more I heard the voice I had mistaken for Rachel. I don't know how I could have made such a mistake now. Rachel's voice was light, airy, and sweet. My wolf's voice was low, husky and rich with authority.

_This is no dream Leah Clearwater. You may call me Kahara. That was my name before our lives entwined._

A name. My wolf had a name. Was that possible? Did the other pack members' wolves have names?

_They do not. I do. It was the name given to me when I was born the first time. It is an honored name among the wolves._

Born the first time? What did that mean? This was too confusing. My wolf was in front of me, talking to me, separate from me. That just wasn't possible. This had to be a dream! I must have fallen asleep at the bonfire. That was the only explanation.

_We are not in a dream. This is a place where spirits cross between worlds._

Kahara's voice was clear in my head and I realized she was communicating with me as my packmates did.

_Of course. I cannot speak as you do. But I know your thoughts and in time you will know mine._

What? What did that mean?

_Exactly what I have said. You have questions Leah. I have answers. I have called you many times before but you never listened. Tonight, you finally made it here where I can show you everything you have wanted to know about yourself and our destiny._

"Destiny?"

_Yes, destiny. We share a destiny, you and I, and it has been written in the stars since long before you existed. In order for you to understand, you must listen Leah. My past affects our future and the future of our tribe._

I know the confusion I felt in my head at her words was reflected on my face. "How does your past affect my-" I paused to correct myself, "Our future?"

_Have patience daughter of the Great Wolf. I do not have much time before you must leave this place. It all began.._

I interrupted her asking, "What do you mean our future?"

Her only response was an ear flicked in my direction before she began to tell her story once more.

_My life began long ago, when the forest was wild and before your people discovered their existence. My pack and I were known as the children of the Wolf Star, created and adored by our father who lived in the night sky. I held the honor of being the fastest of my brothers and sisters. Because of this, one night the Wolf Star made a request to me. I was to find and take possession of an item he coveted for his own As the swiftest of my kin, he told me it was only natural to choose me to retrieve the item. The Wolf Star told me it was a bag that belonged to his brother The Storm. I did not know what was in the bag, nor did I care. I was young and cocky; only concerned with my own pride at being chosen over all others to complete the task._

_I journeyed to the west as I was bade and found the item The Wolf Star wanted. I took it from his brother The Storm and ran. The Storm was angry at the loss of his item, and though he chased after me he could not catch me. Unknown to me, I had stolen his whirlwinds that gave him his speed, but The Storm was more clever than his brother. When I gave the bag to The Wolf Star and he opened it, Brother Storm had used his own magic to replace the winds with the first humans._

_Humans spilled out of the bag, surrounding me in their numbers and guided by their creator, Brother Storm. Within moments I was killed, my death the first ever in this world. The Wolf Star was devastated when he realized, I, his favorite daughter and warrior was gone. He let out a long, loud, cry that shook his brother The Sky, stalled his brother The Storm and woke the sleeping Great Spirit in the land. The Wolf Star sought to avenge my death and kill those responsible. He stretched forth his bright, shining arm to touch the world and set it on fire but the Great Spirit took pity on his son's grief and chose to intervene at that moment._

_My second life began that day; the Great Spirit breathing my spirit back into my body, deflecting the fight between his children. The Wolf Star's anger subsided at my rebirth and he regretted his fit of rage when he saw the fear my brothers' and sisters' hearts at their near destruction. He banished himself into the night sky, promising to watch over his children from there and would answer our call if needed. Brother Storm did not attack me again, my death appeasing his anger at his brother's theft. _

_The humans that had spilled out of brother Storm's bag lived on, claiming their own land and multiplying. At first my brothers and sisters outnumbered them, but slowly that began to change. My death was only the first of many. From that day forth, even though I lived touched by the Great Spirit's gift, my packmates did not. Either they would grow old and die, or else interactions with the humans would bring about their untimely death. While our numbers weakened, the humans grew stronger. Their creator, Brother Storm, began to whisper to them, teaching them the secrets of his magic, how they could leave their bodies to walk on the wind and use it to defeat their enemies._

_For too many lifetimes to count, I lived among my packmates, the oldest, the wisest and always the quickest. During the eternity that the Great Spirit had given me, I watched the humans who had once killed me as first they became the People of the Land, and then Warriors of the Spirit. As they lived and died, they passed on their magic to the next generation growing stronger each time. As they multiplied, some moved on to other places. My brothers and sisters also traveled, forming new packs in other lands. Over time, both humans and wolves forgot the true memories of their beginnings, but I alone remember. And now you, Leah, know our beginning as well._

I blinked. I had been listening to Kahara's story with an avid intensity, so caught up in details of her past that it jolted me when suddenly she addressed me in the present. Somewhere in her story I had scooted myself closer to her, folding my arms across my knees, my palms gripping my inner elbows as I sat there.

_In all the time I lived, I had not taken a mate for my own. I did not want to watch my mate die and not be able to join him in the next world. I tried to fill in the missing void with my packmates, their children, their grandchildren and each generation after, but eventually my loneliness overwhelmed me and I grew restless._

_Then, one night, I lifted my head to The Wolf Star and stared at him in the sky. I remembered his promise from long ago, to be there if we called to him. And so I sent my wish along with my need up to him, a mate of my own who could live with me for all time._

_He answered my wish. Before me appeared the biggest and strongest wolf I had ever seen. His name was Majikuba and he was everything I needed. He was patient, wise, clever and brave. Included in all of these qualities that he possessed, the most important was his gift of life which would last as long as mine. My happiness was at last complete._

Kahara sounded so joyful as she spoke of her mate, that I felt a twinge of envy at her tone. It changed a moment later, becoming heavy and bitter, reminding me too much of myself.

_For a number of decades we ruled this land and our pack without interference. Then, one day Leah, the path of the Spirit Warrior crossed with my mate. You will recognize this story from your tribe's legends. They speak so highly of their ancestors but I wonder if they ever think about the wolf whose life was taken by your Great Leader Taha Aki!_

The way she spat Taha Aki's name nearly made me flinch. I felt my heart leap and sink into the pit of my stomach, dreading what she was about to say but unable to keep from listening.

_Majikuba was hunting one day on the mountain when he heard the whispers on the wind, a spirit warrior's magic spell. I heard them too and I ran to stop him. I was fast, but I was too late. It was your tribe's warrior Taha Aki who bespelled him, urging him down the mountain and to the village of your people. He wanted to kill the one who took his body and had ensared Majikuba into his plan. I watched as my mate killed the wrong man and in his grief, Taha Aki's spell on Majikuba weakened. Taha Aki's spirit fled upon the winds. Majikuba followed him and I tailed them both._

_I was very angry at what had been done! Your tribal leader had used my mate to kill one of his own! But more than that, I feared the reaction of your tribe. Majikuba knew as I did that the death of the human would only bring their wrath down upon our pack. They would hunt and kill us all in revenge for one of their own._

_We argued over it as the spirit warrior grieved and mourned. I wanted to leave the lands immediately. Our pack would have to find new hunting grounds out of our territory, but their safety was more important than the nuisance of leaving. Just as Majikuba and I reached the decision together your tribal chief spoke to Majikuba, giving us a different plan._

A different plan? In our legends, Taha Aki was jealous of the wolf and asked for room in his body so that he could have a life again.

_Yes, but we also realized that if Taha Aki managed to convey the truth to his fellow spirit warriors, our pack would be safe from their vengeance. If he was successful we would not have to leave our territory. Majikuba was determined to try it. He had always been a generous wolf and willing to sacrifice everything for our pack. I was against this plan but I could not stop him once he made up his mind to help the Quileute warrior._

_Using the spirit warrior's magic, Majikuba and Taha Aki were joined as one, but separate. You know what happened then. They ran down the mountain together, back to the village where your chief got the attention of the Quileute warriors. I stayed at the edges of the village, hidden in the forest watching the warriors approach. They had stopped to listen as Majikuba and Taha Aki sang the songs of your tribe. Finally a very old warrior left his body to seek answers to the mystery of the singing wolf._

_Taha Aki separated from Majikuba and the two human spirit warriors were talking upon the wind to each other. Majikuba was trying to assure me everything was alright when suddenly the lost body of Taha Aki showed up and killed the old warrior just as he went back to his own body. The wind screamed with Taha Aki's fury and he jumped inside my mate's body before Majikuba could prepare room for him._

_He killed him! Your tribe never forgot the story and I will never forget what I saw with my own eyes when your ancestor's anger overwhelmed Majikuba's spirit driving him out. I can never erase the moment when Taha Aki's magic destroyed my love!_

Kahara tilted her head back and let out a howl of fury at her last statement. I felt a tear slip down my cheek, leaking from my eye as it always did whenever Billy or Quil Sr. would talk about Taha Aki's transformation. Was this why I always felt like crying at that moment? Was it because my wolf's mate had died?

_Taha Aki killed my mate that day and took all of his magic, absorbing it into his own. Your tribe never understood why Taha Aki lived as long as he did. It was Majikuba's gift of life that gives your wolf warriors their eternal youth._

I reached up to wipe the tear away from my cheek. There was no mistaking the low growling from Kahara as her voice was laced with her sorrow and anger. Even when she had spoken of her own death by human hands that first time, her voice hadn't been so emotional.

I didn't know what to say to her. Is there any proper response really for that kind of loss? A loss that you feel almost personally responsible for? My whispered, "I'm sorry," seemed too small to cover what I was feeling. She acknowledged my words with a tiny tip of her muzzle downward.

_Thank you. But the story does not end there. The next part of my past is the reason why you and I are here, existing together Leah. It is why you are the first female of the Quileute tribe to phase._

I inhaled sharply, ready to barrage her with questions as to why I was the only female shapeshifter in the tribe. She must have sensed me gearing up my inquiries because one paw lifted and stamped into the ground.

_Your questions will be answered if you listen!_

My mouth opened and shut closed at her directive. I wanted to retort something back, my stubborn streak wanting to have the final word; but more than that I wanted the truth. Kahara seemed to know that truth and I would have to bite my tongue to learn what she knew.

_After the loss of Majikuba, I planned to kill Taha Aki who was celebrating his return to the village. His tribe listened to his tale and prepared a feast to honor their true chief. They ate, drank and reveled in the return of Taha Aki. And while they beat the drums and memorized the triumph of Taha Aki, the sacrifice of Majikuba was diminished._

_That night, as the merriment ceased and the fires laid low, I crept towards the furs where Taha Aki slept. I knew exactly where to strike a killing blow to him and avenge my mate. However, when I saw him, when I truly looked at his sleeping face, all I could see Majikuba. Taha Aki's new human form is how Majikuba would have been as a human instead of a wolf; strong, confident, and sleek. He was so beautiful it broke my anger and a great sorrow filled my heart in that moment._

_I crept away from his side, withdrawing back into the forest. I watched him for years after, Taha Aki, called the Great Wolf of the Quileute tribe. Every time he phased, my heart would weep for joy at seeing my mate's body once more. He lived on passing Majikuba's gift on to his male descendants._

_One day many years later his sons and grandsons did not return from a hunting trip. This was the time of the vampires that hunted the people in the surrounding tribes. In all my lifetimes I had never met a creature so unnatural to our world. Their smell alone tells us they do not belong._

I sucked in my breath at the mention of the vampires. I always knew they were evil, aberrant creatures. Our sometimes-residing-here, vegan vampires not withstanding, it was interesting to hear that Kahara felt the same as we did about their presence in our world. Were all animals aware of how dangerous the vampires were?

_Humans can be dangerous as well, which may be why vampires are even worse as they once were human._

I scowled at Kahara and said, "Don't compare the two." She didn't look apologetic in the slightest.

_The vampire was killed by the younger Quileute warriors but at a great loss to their numbers. They were unprepared when the female showed up._

The story of the third wife and the revenge of the lost mate. I knew every word of the story. The third wife was the only story about a female in the tribe who sacrificed herself to save Taha Aki from the vampiress who was about to kill him.

_Her name was Pavati, the one you are thinking of. She was very important to Taha Aki. I know because I watched for years as his magic consumed Majikuba's body, aging him beyond his years, all in favor of this woman he wanted to grow old and die with. He loved her enough to follow her into death._

_That day the vampiress attacked the tribe, she was looking for the wolves who had killed her mate. She killed so many of your tribe members and as I watched from the cover of the forest I knew she had to be stopped - I was determined to stop her myself._

_I suppose it was arrogant of me to assume I could take on a vampire by mself. I was only one wolf, but I had been granted an eternal life and I had counted on the great spirit's gift to save me. While the last two humans ran to warn Taha Aki, I broke from my hiding place in the foilage and charged her. My first bite did no damage and in fact she mistook me for one of the shapeshifters. I turned to run, but she was just as fast and followed me into the woods._

_My second death came at the hand of a vampire who was once human. Although natural death would never claim me and I had been able to avoid humans for so long, the vampire was as unnatural as I was and she broke me that day, breaking my spine in two._

Involuntarily I winced, feeling a shudder down my own spine as a memory flashed in my brain of newborn arms reaching out to crush me. If Jacob hadn't interfered that day...

_She didn't stay long, having heard more of the Quileutes as they ran for the harbor. She went after them, leaving me to pass. As I lay there dying my only wish was to see Majikuba once more. The darkness claimed me and I welcomed it wanting to cross the worlds and see him once more._

_I was not to see him though. Once I passed into this realm, I was stopped by Brother Storm and The Wolf Star who had been waiting for me._

Those two again?

Kahara dipped her snout in the affirmative. _I stepped before the two brothers. I was so glad to see my creator and eager to see Majikuba, but they had other plans for me._

_Brother Storm and Wolf Star had been watching over the wolves and humans. When Majikuba and Taha Aki's spirits joined together, they were both shocked but happy at the joining of their children into one. It had brought a balance to their rivalry and for centuries they had been at peace. They decided they wanted more of their combined magic, more children with both spirits inside of them._

"What!" My voice raised a few octaves at this revelation.

_That was my reaction too. I wanted to see my mate and they wanted me to return to the mortal realm. I was not in favor of it to say the very least. They were adamant to get me to agree to the idea and so they started to offer many things to me. None of it meant anything to me until they spoke of Majikuba._

_They promised that his spirit would be returned to the mortal world to live with me once again if I agreed to go. I would be born within the same lifetime as Majikuba so that we could find each other and bring balance to the children of Brother Storm and the Wolf Star. I had resisted all of their plans until then, but this offer tempted me into agreeing. To be able to see Majikuba again even with a human mask, I was willing to do anything._

I felt my lips pressing together as my brain put together the information she was sharing with me. "Is this what you meant by saying your past affects my future?" I could feel my temper flaring up in that moment.

_Yes. Once the agreement was made, they sent me to you to fulfill our purpose. We must find our mate Leah. You must find Majikuba's spirit, hidden in your packmates. I cannot tell you which one it is because I do not know. The only thing Brother Storm and The Wolf Star would tell me is that he is Taha Aki's true heir and that once you find him the pack will be at peace._

"You made this promise? Seriously?" My inner-bitch was riled up. My wolf was telling me the reason I existed was to make children? Now I had proof this was a stupid dream. I couldn't resist the next words that popped out of my mouth sarcastically, "Guess you got popped into the wrong body then eh? Or did you forget we're menopausal? Oops! Guess we can't have kids!"

_Are you sure about that?_

I narrowed my eyes at Kahara. "The mood swings don't lie."

_Next you'll be saying you're hot flashing instead of having a normal wolf temperature._

I was momentarily stunned that my wolf could be a smartass just like me.

_I do not have time to argue with you about this Leah. You must finish what has begun since long ago. You must find our mate!_

"And what if I don't want to find him?" I could feel my jaw set stubbornly at her order.

_Then our eternity together will be very lonely by yourself._

I crossed my arms, knowing my lips were turned down in a frown. I met Kahara's pensive gaze, my eyes darkening as I felt conflicted. I looked away, closing my eyes as I tried to process everything she told me.

_Leah, you must find the heir. Find him._

_Leah.._

_Leah.._

Her voice sounded funny, no longer low and grovelly.

_Leah._

"Leah."

"Leah!" 

It was hissing and high pitched like she was trying to get my attention.

_"_Leah! Wake up girl!"

I felt a sharp poke in my ribs. My eyes flew open as I turned my head to snap at Kahara. She wasn't there.

Rachel Black poked me again hissing, "Wake up!"

I grabbed her finger fast before it could poke me a third time. My eyes blinked several times in the light of the fire which had dropped down into glowing embers. From the muted lighting I could see both packs gathered around the fire.

Paul was the first to speak from his seat next to Rachel, his laughter preceding his words as he said, "Damn Jacob, you put your own beta to sleep!" 

There was a bunch of laughter from all the guys present and I felt my cheeks flush red in embarrassment. I lifted my head, noting with further embarrassment that I had been laying my head against Embry's knee. Had I left any drool behind while I napped? I hoped not. My tongue worked quicker than my brain could stop me as I retorted, "Who are you talk Paul? I hear Rachel gets more excitement out of her Harlequin books!"

"Hey!"

I winced and said "Sorry Rache." She frowned at me. My guilt at my insult towards her was mollfied by the hint of ire I read in her imprint's face.

"I don't even read those books anymore." That was directed to Paul.

Rachel's confession brought about another round of laughter and even I conceded a tiny smirk at the look on Paul's face. But the worst was when Renesmee tried to whisper to Jacob, "Why is your sister reading books about clowns?" 

The wolves heard her though and as Jacob tried to explain the romance novels to his imprint amidst cracks about their romantic life, my mind slipped back to a few moments earlier and to Kahara.

Had it just been a dream? Was I so desperate for answers to myself that I had made it all up in my head? Had I been told the truth or was I just a victim of my overactive imagination?

These questions and doubts kept running through my head the entire way through the rest of the night Alex Warner accepted Jacob as his Alpha and got several heavy handed pats on the back from his new packmates. I gave him a firm handshake that lasted a little longer than necessary as I thought about Kahara's last words.

Find our true mate, bring peace to the pack. What did that mean? Find the true heir? How?

Was I dreaming or just going crazy?

-WPWPWPWPWPWPWPWP-


	3. Chapter 3

I drummed the eraser tip of my pencil against the desk creating a steady tap-tap-tapping sound that would have driven someone nuts had they been around to listen to it. I was alone in my apartment on a Thursday afternoon. I was supposed to be writing my essay on the laws regarding underage children in my computer crimes class. I should have been a half chapter deep into my textbook or at least had my outline report on my paper, but my mind was elsewhere.

It had been almost a week since I fell asleep at the bonfire and I still didn't have a clue what to do about my dream. Well that wasn't completely true. Part of getting my degree in criminal studies is a ton of research, so a week after my big move into my apartment, I hopped online to do research on the things from my dream - spirit quest - whatever it was termed.

It turns out there _is _a creation legend from the Pawnee tribe about The Wolf Star, who I later learned was called Sirius thanks to my internet searches. The legend mentioned a certain unnamed wolf stealing the whirlwind bag of The Storm. Goosebumps had broken out on my arms as I read the tale, nearly identical to what my wolf told me. After seeing that story I tried to recall if my father had ever told this Native American legend to me, thinking that perhaps my subconscious was bringing it back up. I couldn't remember if he did, but I couldn't rule out the chance he may have. He did love the different legends of The People, no matter what tribe it was from.

I had also discovered that the name Pavati means "Clear water". Kahara had seemed confident in naming Taha Aki's previously unnamed third wife and the coincidence of that being her name was hard for me to ignore. We had all been told by the elders that we were descendants of the Great Wolf but what were the odds that my branch of the tribe came directly from the third wife's line as well? Did that mean anything at all?

My brain was full of questions but I had no answers and nowhere to find them. I couldn't talk to any of my pack mates about it. I wasn't even sure if what happened was real, let alone trying to explain about Kahara's last order to find her missing mate. Correction - our missing mate.

Keeping this to my self was difficult. Seth suspected something was up. He knew me too well, just as I knew him. I had been too quiet the entire way home from the bonfire, replaying Kahara's tales in my head On Sunday while moving my furniture with the pack, my brother had pestered me trying to find out what was wrong. I had brushed aside his concern with excuses about the moving process, but he didn't buy it and I didn't like lying to him.

Having Seth in my head during patrols made it nearly impossible to keep my thoughts quiet. Just yesterday evening I had run the perimeters with him. To prepare myself I had lined up every Donna Summer, Queen, ABBA, and Rolling Stone song I could remember into my head for a 70's theme night concert. It had worked on my Monday patrol when I kept Embry and Quil out of my head by recalling every chick flick I could think of. Quil had phased out first, glad to be off patrol as he had been unable to withstand the onslaught of images and dialogue from _The Notebook, Steel Magnolias and Bridget Jones's Diary_. Embry and I had patrolled until midnight when Jacob took over with assistance from his future brother-in-law.

My subterfuge was going to crumble and soon if it hadn't already. I didn't know how much longer I could keep up this charade of pretending everything was normal. Not only had my internet research come to a stand still, but I was not one single step closer to deciding what to do with the information.

I sighed and halted the tapping of my eraser. I looked down at the notebook I had been writing in, notes on my research filling the first few pages. The words on the sheets of paper only confirmed what Kahara had told me. Perhaps the dream wasn't completely crazy after all; maybe my wolf had been telling the truth.

The thought that her story could be true didn't bother me as much as I thought it would. Well, not the part regarding the creation of humans and her undeniably long existence. It was the last part of the story that filled the other pages of my notebook. Those later pages brought redness to my cheeks each time I looked down at them.

I had written every wolf's name down on a separate page, making notes about each one; a list of pros and cons as to who could be my wolf's mate. All the members from every pack were there. It started with Sam's name, Jacob's name, Jared, Paul, going down until even Alex Warner was at the very last. It was like my own little personal shape shifter black book and if it were ever found, I'd never live it down.

Flipping through the pages, I hoped something would jump out at me and tell me which one could be hiding Majikuba's spirit. Which one of these boys - no, I had to acknowledge that some of them were men - but which one of them was the true heir of Taha Aki?

My hand paused in mid-turning of the page with Jacob Black's name written across the top.

If ever there was a potential true heir of Taha Aki, I would have sworn it to be him. Everyone always knew he was the true Alpha of the Quileute packs. Ephraim Black's great-grandson and the one who was never meant to bow down to any other wolf; Jacob exuded every bit of the confident Alpha gene he had inherited. He was 6'7" of pure brawn and muscle, with a hell of a sense of a humor and a wicked temper that clashed with mine. He could be sweet, especially to his family and pack mates, but he could also be bitingly sarcastic, not unlike me. He was definitely pleasant to look at, all those werewolf muscles, but so many of the pack had the same muscular body-type and I seemed to have been granted a slight immunity to the sight most other girls didn't have. Maybe if I didn't spend so much damn time in their idiotic heads I could appreciate it more.

I stared at the list of pros on him, the first being his alpha status, followed by his loyalty, his stupid sense of honor and willingness to do anything for a friend. Yep, those were some of his nicer traits. Right across from the good stuff, I stared at the big, block letters I had written on the con list with a thick, black marker.

IMPRINTED

Yeah, that was one hell of a con. Imprinting. I hated it, feared it and wanted it.

Imprinting stole my fiancé from me, ripped apart my relationship with two of the most important people that had been in my life, all when I was barely 18 years of age. It smashed my heart into so many pieces, that I didn't think it would ever get put back together again. Imprinting is the reason Sam couldn't even bear to look at me and the reason he didn't want me in his pack just so he wouldn't have to feel guilty about what he did to me. It's a real treat knowing the man you devoted your whole being to, no longer wants to see your face to make it easier on his self. So yeah, I absolutely _loathe _imprinting.

But eventually I came to want it. I saw how happy Paul, Quil, Jared, Sam were with their imprints and hell even Jacob forgot all about his huge 'grand love' for Bella Cullen when he imprinted. _On her daughter_. Ugh. I am so not going to linger on the Greek tragedy of that one. I couldn't deny that the imprinted wolves had a steady stream of happiness that radiated their entire being. It was completely thought consuming, if sometimes sappy and overpowering. But it was happiness, true happiness with feelings of love and adoration.

I wanted that, some part of that utter bliss they felt.

I feared I would never imprint. The theories flew around from all the elders as to why wolves imprint. Jacob thinks you meet your soul mate. Sam said it was genetics, to make stronger wolves. The elders agreed with Sam, which always brings me back to my genetics. _Genetic Dead End. Period._ I don't get my period anymore. No chance for me to improve the werewolf genes. So why would the possibility of imprinting ever fall into my lap? I knew it just wouldn't.

The more I kept thinking about my menopausal state the more Kahara's story didn't make sense. Why would two ancient beings named Wolf Star and Brother Storm bother to send a wolf's spirit to barren little me when they wanted to procreate happy little werewolf babies?

It made no sense,

I tapped the list one more time with my pencil tip before letting out a full blown sigh. There was only one way I might try to make sense of this. I was going to have to talk to someone who knew the legends better than anyone. Someone who had access to the old legends passed down from generation to generation and might help me figure out what's going on. I knew he was home; it was just about time for his afternoon show to come on. I just hoped the old man didn't get the wrong ideas.

**-WPWPWPWPWPWPWPWP**-

"Well obviously it's Jacob." 

I tried not to physically roll my eyes at the man sitting in the wheelchair, but I was unable to keep a tiny huff of air from escaping my lips. "No Billy," I disagreed. "It is not _obviously Jacob_." I used my fingers to air quote the meaning.

I had come over to the Black house to try and make some sense of my story. I was sitting in Billy's living room, having spilled the entire story to him only moments ago. I hadn't even had a chance to try to ask him about anything in the legends before he declared his son was the wolf in the story.

Of course he'd think that. Billy so desperately wanted to separate Jacob from his un-natural vampire hybrid imprint Nessie, he was willing to sacrifice anything (me included) to break them apart. Good luck with that. Whatever twisted being in this universe decided to tie my Alpha to the daughter of our tribe's enemy forever, really seriously fucked that up. At least that was the major consensus of all, barring those who'd been dropped on their heads a few times as a kid and considered the vegetarian vampires "cool and wicked" (also known as my brother Seth).

Billy, whose eyes had lit up during my story like a kid given free candy at Halloween stuck to his conviction. "Yes it is Leah. There's no one else but Jacob to fit the position."

I retorted dryly. "At last count there were seventeen wolves that could fit the description." That included Sam. I couldn't deny that my heart thumped just a bit at that thought.

Before Billy could bring up Jacob once more, I stopped him by saying, "Look Billy, I didn't come here to play tribal matchmaker with you. At this point I don't even know if I was just dreaming, high off of paint fumes, taking a spirit journey or what, but I had to ask you if you ever in your _entire life_ heard of any of this before."

Billy propped his elbow onto the arm of his wheelchair, his fist curled against his mouth in a pensive stare at me. I waited for him to say something, anything, no matter how incredulous it might be. When he finally moved his fist it was to simply state what I already knew. "Well you are the first of your kind Leah."

Now I really did roll my eyes at him. "Not helping Billy. Tell me something I don't know."

"That's just it Leah," Billy's scrutiny continued, "There is so much we don't know about why or how you phased. Tradition tells us only the sons of Taha Aki inherited the gift."

"Those sons had a mother," I pointed out. "And coincidentally her name is Pavati, according to my dream, which means _clear water_."

Billy edged forward towards me in his wheelchair. "Just hearing you say that and from the details you gave I'm not sure what you experienced was a dream Leah."

I gave him a dubious look. "You really think I could have gone on a spirit journey?"

"It is possible. Long ago our ancestors sought out their magic, walking upon the winds, taking the journey at reaching their maturity. It is a tradition that we have neglected to practice in a while. "

Now it was my turn to regard Billy solemnly. It was true that many of the People took spirit quests or vision quests seeking an animal spirit or guide to help them with their direction in life. What little I knew about these journeys required a period of fasting for days before the journey was taken and usually took place out in the middle of the woods alone. It did not involve a belly full of my mom's cold macaroni salad and sitting next to a bonfire surrounded by an entire group of my family and friends.

Then again this was _me_ we were talking about. Nothing about my entire existence had been normal since I phased.

"You know Leah," Billy interrupted my thoughts as he spoke, his hands spinning the wheels on his chair as he maneuvered himself backwards and over to a cluttered desk in the corner of the living room, "After you shifted, Quil and I started our own research to try to figure out what happened."

Had I been in wolf form I think my ears would have perked up at that information. "You did?" I sat up straighter in my seat, leaning forward to watch him. He opened one of the lower desk drawers, rooting around inside before pulling out several notebooks one at a time.

He rolled back towards me holding out the books to me. "Here, take these and read them, they may provide you with some insight that we could not." The journals were of varying ages, some looking old that would need special care and some that were worn but still new. I took them from him with care.

"The older ones are the legends written down by my great grandfather of those who came before him. The new ones are the stories of your generation Leah to be told to the future generations," Billy explained.

I blinked. Billy chuckled at the face I made, one of astonishment, followed by a grimace of realization. It had never truly occurred to me that my brothers and I would end up in the legends of our people. I should have known better. Being the only female was a legend by itself.

"Thanks Billy." I stood up from the couch, tucking the books under one arm for safekeeping. "I'll look through these and see if there's anything I recognize anything."

"I hope you find the answers you're seeking." Billy wheeled himself with me, as I walked over to the door.

I paused in the doorway, my hand on the knob as I turned around to look at him. "One more thing Billy," my tone dropped down a bit.

"Yes?"

"Do not tell anyone we had this conversation." I let the order speak for itself. He tried to give me an innocent _Who Me?_ look but I wasn't falling for it. I knew Billy Black like my own father. "Don't give me that innocent face. I know you're dying to get on the phone and tell Jacob about this crap but you better not."

"Leah he has a right to know as the Alpha-"

"Bullshit," I interrupted. "I want time to figure this out for myself Billy and I don't need any unnecessary people knowing about this. You don't tell anyone got it? Not Old Quil, not my Mom, not Sam and especially not Jacob!"

"I think you're making a mistake," Billy told me, his demeanor quiet. "Jacob needs to know. It's important to the tribe."

"No." I remained firm in my resolve. "Not one word to anyone Billy or else."

I felt only a little guilty threatening him after he'd been nice enough to give me his journals. Billy Black loved to meddle in other people's business. It gave him something to do other than sit at home watching his shows.

"Fine, I won't say a word to anyone." His words were short as he agreed and his tone let me know he was completely unhappy about it.

I nodded my head and left shutting the door behind me.

**-WPWPWPWPWPWPWPWPWPWPWP-**

As much as I would have liked to start reading the journals Billy had given me, my homework was begging to be finished and I couldn't ignore my life for a potential wild good chase. I set Billy's notebooks down across my little black book of werewolves and spent the rest of the afternoon immersing myself in the criminal laws of the internet.

It was some time later that I looked up from my computer for two reasons. First, my room was getting darker and I could see that dusk had fallen outside. Second, my stomach was telling me I was neglecting my werewolf metabolism. It rumbled noisily as I stood up from the desk and stretched my muscles that protested the position change. I was quite happy with myself. Five pages of report had been finished and I felt a break was deserved.

I made myself two sandwiches from the items in my mini-fridge, popped a can of soup onto my hotplate to warm up and grabbed a bag of chips from the cupboard under the island. Rachel might complain how it wasn't fair I could eat all I wanted and never gain weight but at least she had never went hungry after a date. The one date I'd had in the past two years, the boy had tried to impress me by taking me to a fancy restaurant. My stomach was less than impressed at the fifty dollar plate that held maybe eight dollars worth of food on it, the point of it being that it was artistically arranged rather than filling my stomach up. The first date had turned into the only date when later my stomach had protested its mistreatment as he drove me home.

I was working my way through the second sandwich, flipping through the only five channels on the TV that were available with rabbit ears, when there was a knock upon my door. I wasn't expecting company so to say the least I was very surprised when I opened my door to see my Alpha standing on the other side of it.

"Hey Jake," I greeted, my brows drawing together in confusion. "What's up?"

Jacob shrugged his shoulders, the act of it drawing my attention to said shoulders, noticing again how tall and broad of chest he was. "You tell me. " Had his voice always been that deep or was I just unconsciously looking for something now that I was supposed to be searching for Taha Aki's heir? I let myself get distracted for just a moment until he said, "Leah why is my Dad calling me telling me to get my ass over here to talk to you?"

_Shit._

Damn old, nosy, meddling codger.

**-WPWPWPWPWPWPWPWP-**

**A/N: I apologize for any delay in re-starting this story. I had some encouragement for my writing that had gone away but recently have found a wonderful group of women on Jacob Black n Pack website that have begun to encourage and inspire me to write again. You girls know who you are!**


	4. Chapter 4

As my head went through various scenarios to dismantle Billy Black every which way to Super Bowl Sunday, I hung on to my door staring at Jacob who was looking at me with an annoyed expectancy. Obviously Billy didn't take my warnings seriously. Oh there would be hell to pay Mr. Black.

Dismemberment. I'd break his legs. He doesn't use them anyways. I'd just be helping along the diabetic process that was slowly going to cause him amputations.

Disembowelment. A straight line right across the abdomen and all his guts would be spilling onto the floor. I could stomp all over them in a Native American celebration dance before he breathed his last.

Dislocate. He wouldn't die, but he'd definitely feel every painful pop as I slowly pulled every joint in his body out of its socket.

Jacob was still staring at me while I pondered his father's demise at my hands. Banishing my bloody fantasies into the back of my head, I gave him a rather sour glare as I retorted, "How should I know what crawled up Billy's ass today?" I didn't open the door to invite Jacob in, nor did I slam it in his face. He'd obviously ran here in wolf form as I didn't hear a car pull up and he was shirtless.

Jacob crossed his arms. My eyes which wouldn't stay in my own damn head were drawn to this action as they sat right over the bulky planes of his well defined chest. This was the same pair of muscled arms that Nessie had been eyeballing last Friday night. When the hell had his biceps gotten as thick as tree trunks? No wonder his imprint had stared so hard. What the hell was I doing staring at them now? This was Jacob for god's sake, the same idiot who lusted after leech-lover and now her daughter.

With the image of Bella and Nessie both playing in my head, I managed to clear my thoughts of anything regarding Jacob in any capacity other than my Alpha. Mostly. I lifted my eyes from his arms to his face, noting his expression. Jacob wasn't anyone's fool. He didn't believe my bullshit question any more than I did.

"What's going on Leah?" He didn't sound like he planned on leaving soon. With an internal sigh, I stopped leaning against the doorway, opening it to let him inside. Jake ducked under the doorway, filling out the small space of my apartment until it seemed swallowed by his presence.

"You want a drink?"

"What do you have?"

"Not much Jake. Soda. Water."

"Water's fine."

He sat on my little loveseat. I could hear the wooden frame groan under his height and weight. I got him a glass of water and went back to pick up my half eaten sandwich, moving around to the other side of the coffee table and sitting on the floor. Jacob discovered my bag of chips on the table and promptly started working his way through it. The wolf in me was irritated at having my food taken, but she also knew better than to deny the Alpha his share first.

"So," he said after a few handfuls. "Are you going to tell me what's up?"

I took another bite of my sandwich, stalling for a bit of time. After chewing carefully, I wiped a napkin across my mouth and asked, "What makes you think something is up?" Two could play the fish-for-info game. I wanted to find out what Billy told him.

Jake tapped the side of his head. "Embry and Seth. I patrolled with them earlier today and they showed me your rather interesting patrols earlier this week Leah. What are you hiding?"

_Fuck._

I hesitated. The whole pack knew I pulled the song and movie routine only when I didn't want them to know what was on my mind. It drove them all crazy but it worked rather well. I tried to play the clueless card again. "I don't know what you mean. I had those songs stuck in my head all day long."

Jacob snorted, spraying a few crumbs from his mouth in the process. "Ewwww Jacob." I voiced my complaint as I tossed my napkin at him. He used it to wipe the crumbs off his chest, tossing it back at me, much to my disgust. "So then I get a call from my Dad saying I needed to get over here and talk to you. He wouldn't tell me what it was about, just that you needed to see me about something." He gave me a questioning look. "So what is it?"

I stuffed the rest of my sandwich into my mouth, balling up the napkin and setting it on the plate. "You know your Dad Jake," I continued to hedge around the subject. "Everything's a crisis to him. Paul wore Rachel's robe out in the kitchen one morning and your Dad told everyone he was starting to wear women's clothes."

Jake laughed and I couldn't resist the smirk that particular story caused. Being Rachel Black's number one confidant unleashed some wonderful blackmail material on the tribe's most serious ass wipe. Paul's anger was legendary, superseded only by my own bitchiness. To say we didn't get along was downplaying the whole thing. Rachel walked a fine line in playing peacekeeper between us sometimes.

My wit only managed to distract Jake a little as he rounded back to the subject I did _not_ want to talk about. "You're dodging my question Leah." Jake crumpled up the bag of chips into a roll and set them down on the table. "And that tells me you have something you're hiding. Why?"

Damn, old, nosy codger. Billy is so dead.

I sighed out loud this time as I contemplated my words carefully. I stared at Jacob from across the table, my mouth turning down into a thin frown line as I asked, "Are you sure you want to hear this?"

He nodded his head.

"Alright but you asked for it."

**-WPWPWPWPWPWPWPWPWP-**

"It's not me."

If Billy Black was convinced Jacob and I were meant to be, then his son was the antithesis of that.

"I didn't say it was you Jake."

"Yeah but it's implied."

I tossed Jake an antipathetic glance for his narcissism. "It could be any one of you." I sighed and got up from the coffee table to go put my plate in the sink and clean up my dinner mess.

"Including Sam?"

My back stiffened slightly as I twisted the loaf of bread and tied the twisty onto it. I set the loaf on top of my microwave and turned to find Jake peering over the sofa at me. I crossed my arms, leaning against my counter as I nodded my head slightly. "Maybe." I had to acknowledge the possibility, however much it hurt.

"God I hope not," Jake was as tactless as me sometimes, saying whatever came out of his mouth before his brain could filter it. I glared at him. "For your sake of course," he added once he realized his mistake.

"Yeah well I hope this is all made up in my head," I retorted back. "I'm just getting my life back on track Jake after two and half years. I don't need any more werewolf shit making my life hell."

"Come on Leah it hasn't been that bad," Jake cajoled.

I bobbed my head back and forth, skepticism clouding my thoughts. There was good and bad in all of it, but I had finally made my peace with the bad stuff associated with our shape shifting abilities. Or I thought I had. Apparently it wasn't done throwing curve balls at me yet.

Jacob noticed my indecisiveness and asked, "What are you planning on doing Leah?"

I glanced over at my desk where Billy's journals were laying. Jacob's dark brown eyes followed my gaze. "Is that my Dad's journals?" He stood up, at my desk in less than two strides with his freakishly long legs.

"Yeah he let me borrow them to do some research on my own." I turned around, pulling a paper towel off the roll, dampening it and wiping off the counter tops.

"I can't believe he let you take them. He doesn't let _me_ take them." I smirked over my shoulder at Jacob's slight whine and rinsed my hands under the running water.

"What's this?"

I glanced back at him. He had my notebook in his hand. The little black book nobody was supposed to see.

"_Don't open that_!" My voice was shriller than I intended it to be as I bounded around the island and over to my desk. Too late, Jacob realized it must have something interesting in it because he held it up high over his head, near the ceiling where even my long arms couldn't reach.

That didn't stop me from trying as I jumped up and down in front of him trying to snatch it back. "What is this Leah?" Jacob was looking up trying to see the first page of my notes. He had a precarious hold with one hand, the other trying to fend me off from taking it from him.

"Give it back Jake. That's not for you to see." He wasn't playing fair so I didn't play fair either with a well placed elbow to his ribs.

He made a hissing noise of pain and danced back away from me holding one arm to his side. "Damn woman take it easy." With his arms lowered, I tried to take back the book but he held it out of my reach again looking at the page. I could see Jared's name printed across the top.

"What is this?" Jacob glanced at me. I knew my face was bright red from embarrassment. "It's nothing Jake. Just give it back," I muttered to him, hand outstretched.

That would be asking too much of my alpha, to be mature enough to just hand it over. He started reading the page out loud. "Thinks he's a comedian. Sam's lackey." With a sinking stomach, I realized he was reading out of Jared's "con" list. "Not very tall. Imprinted." His dark eyes snapped to the other side of the page. "Good to Kim. Parents nice…Leah what is this stuff about Jared?"

"Nothing, it's just a joke. Give me that Jake," I leaned in close to reach around Jacob and take it, my mortification increasing when he used his thumb to flick open the page with Seth's name followed by my bold handwriting in marker with the words, _**HELL NO**_ printed across the page and his name. I shuddered. The spirits wouldn't be that cruel would they? That was my brother! Ugh Ugh!

"Jacob Black you quit reading that right now!" I demanded, my aggravation increasing, as he refused to give me back my book. He retreated around the apartment as I advanced, twisting his body to keep the book just out of my reach.

"Did you put these lists together to compare wolves?" Jacob's grin was ornery and I glared at him which only served to make his grin widen further. "Am I in here?" He flipped past Quil's short list.

That was it. My fury reached a new level of irritated and without thinking about it, I leapt on Jacob, tackling him. I had to throw all my weight behind it and we both went crashing to the ground, landing in a tangle of limbs, me on top of him. I wasn't taking it easy either as I maneuvered my knee into his stomach, pushing off there and grappling with his arm to pry my notebook out of his fingers. "Let go!" I grunted at him.

He flicked me off of him as easily he would a fly on the edge of a plastic cup at a picnic. I was smug to note the wince of pain in his eyes as he rolled to a sitting position. "Jeez Leah you don't have to be so rough." He rubbed his abdomen. My smug look turned to one of stupidity as I found myself counting to see if I had just ruined his six or eight pack.

My mouth felt dry as I finished at number eight. Did all the guys have eight packs? I tried to recall in my head, until I realized what I was doing and groaned. I dropped my head into my hands, covering my face with my palms. What the hell was wrong with me?

I hadn't realized I spoke the thought aloud until Jacob said, "Lots of things. But we all love you anyways Leah." He had the book open again and was laughing. "Paul doesn't like to share. You got that right!"

Taking advantage of his inattention to what I was doing, I reached out, smacking the book out of his hands quickly and recovering it on the fumble. Once it was safely behind my back instead of in Jake's grip I growled out, "This book is none of your business Jake."

"Oh come one, what'd you say about me?" Jake was grinning even as I scowled back at him.

"That you're obnoxious and immature," I ground out through my teeth. He threw back his head laughing at my obvious ire.

"And you're still only slightly less annoying than Paul," he returned. I stuck my tongue out at him. As quick as my temper could flare, now that my book was back in my keeping, I was losing some of my steam. "Who's immature?" Jake asked laughing at me.

"Only because you made me," I quipped.

"Yeah yeah, I'm rubber, you're glue."

"Whatever you say bounces off of me and sticks back on you," I finished my lips curling up slightly in a smirk. Jacob picked that up at an early age when Rebecca, Rachel and I used to go around chanting it to anyone who called us names.

Jake was sitting up against the back of my loveseat and I had my back up against the island bar. I stared at him for a moment, questioning myself as to when the boy I had grown up with had turned into a man over night. He stared back at me looking as pensive as I did, though probably for an entirely different reason.

"So what are you going to do Leah?" he finally asked, repeating his question that started off the tug of war over my notebook in the first place.

"Figure it out somehow," was the only answer I could come up with. "Your Dad gave me his journals. I'm going to talk to Old Quil eventually and then…" I trailed off shrugging my shoulders. His guess was as good as mine.

"I wonder why my wolf hasn't tried to contact me," Jacob mused while scratching his chin. As soon as he asked that he said, "Don't answer that." My mouth had opened to give one of my stellar, signature, sarcastic replies.

He leapt to his feet, not an easy thing to do in the tight space that separated my kitchen and living room. At least he made it look graceful. I used the counter on the bar to pull myself up to my feet. "Look Jake," I leaned over to pick up my notebook, dusting it off. "Your Dad poked his nose in the wrong place which is why you ended up here tonight." I straightened up and looked him straight in the eyes. "Can you please not share this with anyone?"

"No," Jake shook his head. "I'm heading back to hang out at the Cullens. Pops is going to know about it as soon as I'm in range," His lips quirked upward with a private joke.

"Pops?" I raised a questioning brow.

"Yeah, Edward won't stay out of my head and Bella can't shield me all the time. I started call him because he's Nessie's Dad, he's a popsicle, and it annoys the hell out of him." He grinned.

"Clever." My tone clearly said it was anything but.

"He'll know about this conversation as soon as I get in a five mile range of the house."

"Great. Can you tell him to keep his mouth shut?"

"I think he'll have other things on his mind."

"Like what?"

Jacob suddenly looked uncomfortable. H stuck his hands in his pocket and looked down at his feet, shuffling them and reminding me of the boy who would tell on himself when he had something to hide, just by his face.

"Jake?"

"They're making plans for leaving."

"Where are they going?"

"Alaska."

Suspicion dotted my voice as I asked, "Are they taking Nessie?" He nodded his head still not meeting my eyes. "And where will you be?"

He lifted his head finally to look at me, dread written in their brown depths, confirming for me without speaking what his words would be.

"I'm going with them."

**-WPWPWPWPWPWPWPWPWPWPWPWPWP-**


	5. Chapter 5

_Rated: M for Mature due to language._

_Pairing: Leah & -?-_

_Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended._

Chapter 5

_"And where will you be?"_

_"I'm going with them."_

The implications of Jacob's words were not lost on me. He was leaving us. All of us. Where did that leave his pack? I felt my heart plummet somewhere down into my stomach. He was going to send us back to Sam. He threatened to do it once before and now he was going to follow through with it.

_Well fuck him!_

My level of control over phasing was average at best and he knew it. I could feel the tremors start to shake my body, spasms unfurling as the heat curled in my stomach. Jacob's eyes widened in recognition of my change as he backed up away from me. I wanted to shut off my anger, get control of myself but it wasn't going to happen. Shit. If I phased here my little apartment would be destroyed.

I launched myself towards the door, my hands scrabbling with the metal knob as they shimmered with the magic of trying to change. My claws were trying to form. I wrenched the door open, thanking my lucky stars it was dark and that the Camerons didn't have a floodlight on the driveway below. I ignored the stairs leading down - there wasn't enough time - and launched myself over the rails of the landing. My claws left five, splintered grooves behind in the wood.

I exploded mid-air as I dropped to the ground. I felt and heard the thunk as my front shoulder bore the brunt of my weight from dropping fifteen feet from above to the concrete below. A tiny whimper slipped from me at the sharp pain that radiated up by haunches, but the rush of werewolf healing assured me that the bruises would be taken care of in moments.

My paws found purchase in the ground and I took off towards the forest, just beyond the back yard. Although the Camerons didn't have an outdoor light on at the moment, the first instinct of any Quileute is the same. _Protect the secret._ Fortunately there was a lot of wooded area around the reservation. There had been a few close calls to humans - once or twenty times - but so far other than Jacob's major shit storm of telling Bella and Charlie Swan about our existence, we had some anonymity around our homelands.

Once I cleared a few hundred feet into the blackness of the trees, I turned back to face where I had come from. My fur was bristled; my tail was tucked low, swinging back and forth in agitation. Through the pack mind link, I could sense I was alone in my thoughts. It wasn't our night for patrols. No one from our pack was phased except for me. Not even Jacob.

_Good._

I didn't need anyone to witness my little temper tantrum.

My snarls spoke for me even as I directed my thoughts back towards my apartment. Jacob still hadn't phased, not that I thought he would knowing how mad I was, but his ears would definitely be able to pick up each little nuance of righteous anger I had in me.

_You think you're just going to send me back to Sam, Jacob Black? Think again! Idiot! I told you I wouldn't go back to him in a million years! How can you leave us behind and follow our enemies? What about your responsibilities to the reservation? What about your father? Your sister? Embry! Quil! Seth! Alex! Me! Why are you being so stupid?_

My little tirade of insults, questions and more slanders repeated themselves over and over for nearly two minutes. I was still too rattled by Jacob's words to phase back. Only one thing could calm me down at this point and that was to burn off my energy elsewhere. I bolted into the forest, still cursing my Alpha over and over in my head.

I flew through the foliage, brushing past yew, pine, spruce and hemlocks at a pace that would stun humans. I followed the Pacific Northwest Trail southward, staying well off the trail but close enough to follow it back home when I was finished. My wolf senses took in everything in the dark around me missing nothing. I could hear small, nocturnal animals scurrying around to find cover with each step that marked my passage. They had nothing to fear from me. I hated eating anything raw and didn't do it unless absolutely necessary.

My thoughts were just as wild as my running. I couldn't believe that Jacob just laid this news on me. With everything else I had been dealing with - balancing school and work, the mystery of my phasing - this news made my top ten list of shit going wrong with my life I was just starting to balance the wolf side of my life with the human side and now everything was topsy-turvy again. What would go wrong next?

I leapt over a fallen log, landing neatly on the other side and then pushing off again at top speed. This alone, running at speeds that even a vampire would envy, was the one thing I loved best about being a wolf. So what if my brothers were bigger than I was. Their bulk slowed them down. My lean mass could fly faster than the wind. And apparently always had if I could believe what Kahara had said to me.

Sometimes I fantasized about running away from La Push. They wouldn't catch me. I'd be like Forrest Gump, running across the state of Washington and then maybe all the way to the Atlantic Ocean. Only I wouldn't turn around and run back the way I came. I'd just leave all my problems behind here at the reservation and live my own life the way I wanted to.

I let out a huff of exasperated air. I knew that wasn't the solution. Running away from problems never solved anything. It didn't work for Jacob when he went to Canada to try and forget Bella and it would never work with me. I carried all my baggage with me wherever I went like a coat of armor. Plus on the chance I did leave, I knew my mother would have my brother track me down just so she could kill me and Seth would lay into a guilt trip about leaving the both of them.

No leaving was not an option for me.

I slowed down somewhere around the northern cliffs of Strawberry Bay. I picked my way through the underbrush and out into the open bluffs facing the ocean. The wind hit my muzzle the moment I cleared the tree line, carrying with it the scent of brine, fish and sea. I sat down on my haunches, the breeze ruffling my fur as I listened to the pounding of the surf crashing against the rocks below me.

Watching the waves as they rippled back and forth upon each other, it felt like a metaphor for the upheaval that my life had become. My life was nothing but an influx of disappointment and heartache. First, Sam had left me for Emily because of the imprint, ruining our plans to go to college together. Then my father died of a heart attack that I caused by phasing for the first time in front of him.

After his funeral, I could have used the support of my best friend, but that was Emily and I was too angry with her at the time. I was told by Sam that I was a danger to my other friends until I learned to control my wolf. By the time that I was able to keep my wolf restrained around humans, I was being called a slut by my so called "friends" for hanging out with half naked men all the time. Those jealous bitches had made me lose my composure all over again.

I knew I was stewing in my own misery which was only making me feel worse. My thoughts always boiled down to one point that had been my opinion since I first phased over two years ago. Being a wolf sucked. For me anyways. The elders called it a great honor. Honor, my ass. I lost my father, my boyfriend, my girl friends, hell my whole life, to the curse of the wolf.

And now I was losing Jacob, my Alpha and the one who helped me gain my freedom from Sam. Billy was losing his son; Rachel her brother. What sense did it make for Jacob, the one person who was supposed to stay in La Push and become tribal chief, to imprint on the daughter of the Cold Ones? According to our ancestors it should not be possible. I guess that made Jacob a freak among freaks too.

_Welcome to my club Oh High And Mighty Alpha._

Except he was leaving my club. He was leaving all of us to follow Renesmee wherever her parents took her. And that meant the rest of us would have to go back to Sam's pack and follow his orders. I'd have to be in his head again, reliving his love and devotion for my cousin on a daily basis. Not to mention the other boys. Their resentment towards my existence in their pow-wow had been yet another reason I left Sam's pack behind.

I was nothing more than an outsider to them. I didn't belong. Even Jacob had been originally reluctant to make me a member of his pack. I had faced rejection at every turn, shunned by everyone. The only thing that had kept me going had been my bitterness and anger. It had turned me into somebody I didn't recognize and someone that nobody wanted.

If I did have a past life with Kahara, I had to wonder what we had done in our previous life to gain such bad karma in this one.

I flopped down to a prone position on my belly, exhaling a long, drawn out sigh. I tilted my head back and looked upward into the night sky. There was only a bare sliver of the moon showing amongst the multitude of stars up there. I turned my head towards the southwest and it was there I found the most radiant light in the sky.

Sirius. The Wolf Star.

It is the brightest star to the human eye. To my keen eyesight as a wolf, it was like looking at a rainbow prism in a twist of never ending colors. I'd seen vampires sparkle in the sunlight, but the disco-ball glow of their skin was faint in comparison to the luminous, dazzling shine of the star. I had never looked for it before, but now that The Wolf Star was within my sight, I couldn't look away. It was achingly beautiful.

_He banished himself into the night sky, promising to watch over his children from there and would answer our call if needed._

Was it true? Would he listen if I called to him? I certainly could use some help trying to find the answers to the questions that plagued me. My front paws lifted me off the ground as I sat back up.

_Please. If you are listening to me, I need answers._

I wasn't sure if my thoughts alone would reach to The Wolf Star. I tilted my head back and howled, throwing out all my questions towards the heavens where he resided. The sound echoed across the bay, lonely and haunting in its resonance. I cocked my head to the side, listening as the sound of my howl gradually faded out. It was replaced by the sounds of night continuing all around me. The chorus of crickets chirping in the forest competed with the crashing of the ocean breakers below the cliffs.

Perhaps it had been too much for me to hope for an immediate response, but there was none forthcoming. There was no sudden spark of understanding; no explanatory visions appearing right before my very eyes. I remained on the bluffs waiting for a good bit of time, hoping something, anything would happen. I was disappointed.

When my fur was unbearably damp with sea spray, I finally decided to leave. I got to my feet, shaking my fur out from head to tail, silver strands bristling out with the effort. I started the run home at a more sedate pace, no longer filled with the fury that had led me here.

Jake was going to leave us, it had been an unavoidable threat hanging over our shoulders for the past few years since Nessie was born. Where so ever the vampires go, our Alpha would go too, bound by the ties of the imprint. It was such a strong bond that nothing else mattered, not his pack, not his family, just her. He would do anything for her.

I groaned mentally. I knew I was going to have to resign myself to being back in Sam's pack where his obsessive thoughts of Emily would parallel Jake's regard for Nessie. I had earned a small measure of peace these past two years being away from my ex and I could feel the blocks going back up around my heart at the thought of being under his command once more.

As I got closer to La Push, the sound of paws running reached my ears. I slowed down, turning my head to catch the sight of PJ and Bobby, tailing me to my right. PJ had the same dark brown fur as Quil, but his ears were rounder and he had speckles of light brown fur smattering his muzzle like freckles. Bobby, along with his brother Tommy had dark silver fur, reminiscent of Paul. Just like my pack brothers they were taller and broader than I was, but not nearly as big as the older boys.

I couldn't hear their thoughts. The division of two separate packs limited our ability to communicate mentally with each other. Sam and Jacob could communicate just fine, but the rest of us had to depend on verbal and nonverbal wolf behavior to communicate when we were changed. PJ barked a greeting towards me as Bobby cantered in a circle around him before surging to leap over my head.

I snorted at their antics and reached a paw out to swipe at Bobby. _Dork butt. _He must have been hanging around Seth, picking up on his cheerfulness, to be so happy. Bobby dodged my swipe, my claws raking a poor spruce instead. He surged off to the right, his tail bouncing back and forth as he disappeared into the forest. I didn't follow him, still headed to my apartment.

I glanced back to see PJ had stopped and was sniffing a tree with interest. My loping stride slowed just in case he let out a warning howl. Our noses were our best tracking device for vampires. If anyone on patrol came across the repulsive scent of a vampire, they were under orders to notify all the wolves at once.

There was no warning howl. Instead I was treated to the sight of PJ starting to lift a leg before I snapped my head around quickly to block out what I didn't want to see.

_EW! EW! EW! GROSS!_

And this is yet another reason I hate being the only female in a pack of boys. I was going to need several kinds of bleach to try to erase the image left behind by that fourteen year old boy. Couldn't he have been more discreet, going into the bushes, or at the very least made sure he was completely alone before doing that? We all had natural urges on patrol but this was crossing a line!

It had been a very long time since I had patrolled as part of Sam's pack, the last time being right before Jacob split the packs. Was Sam aware his pack was being so vulgar? I never patrolled with any of his pack by choice, but clearly they had some etiquette issues. What the hell?

Jacob was _NOT _going to send me back to a pack of barbarians! Absolutely not!

I paused in the tree line surrounding the Cameron's home. Their house was dark and I felt fairly confident I could phase and run back to my apartment without flashing Mr. or Mrs. Cameron. Luckily I didn't have to as I spied a pile of my clothes on the bottom of the steps leading up to my apartment.

_Thank you Jake._

I snitched the clothing in my teeth, phased in the trees, dressed and headed back across the yard. There was a light on in my apartment and I thought Jacob had left it on for me.

Apparently not.

"You're still here?" I couldn't contain the words that slipped out of my mouth when I saw Jacob was sitting on my couch watching the television, his huge frame taking up the entire space of the loveseat. I would have expected him to go back to the Cullen's house. They had satellite. And Renesmee.

"Gee thanks Jake for putting clothes outside for me." Jacob's higher pitched voice was one hundred percent mocking sarcasm as he looked up at me.

"Thanks Jake." My voice was one hundred percent not gracious in return. "What are you still doing here?" I repeated.

He turned the volume down low on the T.V. and reached out to pick up the stupid little notebook that I was going to destroy the moment he left. "We need to talk about this."

"I really don't care to." I glowered at him for opening it back up in the first place. Did he want to piss me off? It was working, my fury returning as I spat out, "Why don't you just run along home to your vampire family? I'm sure they're already packed and ready to go. They just have to wait for the dog to come home to leave right? Don't forget to send your old pack a post card from your new life without us."

"Leah," Jacob's serious, quiet tone caught my attention more so than an angry shouted retort would have. "We aren't leaving yet, but this isn't about me." He flipped open to a page in my book. He lifted it up with one hand, holding it spread out so that I could see Sam's name scrawled in my handwriting across the top page. I didn't have to read the words written there. They were burned into my brain.

"You still love him don't you?" his hushed assessment struck me like a bullet to the chest, constricting painfully.

I stared at Sam's page, memories looping on a repeat cycle in my brain. Warm kisses shared on a Sunday afternoon at the beach, the way his eyes would light up and my heart would skip a beat when our eyes would meet, all of those moments we shared together. There was no way to forget that.

"I'll always love him Jake," I said quietly. "I'm just not in love with him anymore." I crossed my arms around myself defensively, my gaze challenging him to question my words.

"Well I managed to identify part of your problem," Jacob told me as he flipped through the book. My eyebrows shot up somewhere into my hair line at his words.

"You found something?" I planted myself in front of him, looking down at the book.

"Actually it's what I didn't find…," Jacob's voice trailed off expectantly as he showed me each page with the names.

I stared obtusely at the pages not seeing whatever it was he was claiming not to see. I looked up at Jacob who seemed to think I was going to be able to read his mind without the pack link involved.

I glanced back down as he flipped between Sam's page, Quil's page, his page, Alex's page. He kept flipping back and forth as if he were showing me something. I didn't know exactly what.

"Leah check out Sam's page," he flashed it at me again. "Now check out Bobby's." He flipped through the book. "My page. Brady's."

Again, I felt completely clueless as he was trying to make a point I was obviously not getting. I bit back a growl and snapped, "Just tell me what it is Jacob!"

"You don't see the difference?" A single brow quirked above his deep brown eyes at my response.

I stared at the pages. I would have called the out the difference being the fact that Sam and Jacob had imprinted, but that wasn't it. Brady had imprinted when he turned fourteen on little Hailey Longfree when she moved up from the elementary school to the middle school.

"Look at what you wrote here," Jacob said patiently while I stared at the full page of Sam's good traits and then back to Bobby's page where it was nearly blank. "Now here."

I shook my head at Jacob and shrugged my shoulders. What was his point?

"Do you see what's missing?," Jacob pointed out, his fingers trailing down his page where I had listed all his good points and flipping back to Brady's where I had five things listed. "Leah you don't know your own brothers and pack mates. You said there were seventeen possible candidates and yet you don't even know half of them."

I felt my face turn red and I tried to defend myself by saying, "Most of them are just kids Jake!"

"Kids or not, you have closed yourself off from everyone else except for your Mom, Seth and me." I wanted to argue with him there but that's how Jacob and I are. When the truth slaps us in the face we are usually the one shoving it at each other.

When my crimson-faced silence continued Jacob said to me, "Leah you ought to get to know them. They could surprise you."

"Yes because I react so well to surprises." I snorted my annoyance, reaching up to pull the strands of my short hair back on my head. I could feel all the salt clumped into the stringy strands.

"Just think about it," Jacob encouraged setting the book back down on the table. "I still don't think it's me but I do want to help you find somebody to love." The moment the words were out of his mouth, a mischievous grin crossed his face.

"You sing it and you're a dead wolf walking," I threatened in the next second before he could break out in Queen's song. His knowing smirk told me I had called him on that one. "You're hanging out with Nessie too much," I complained. The girl had discovered karaoke at a young age and actually liked it. I shuddered.

"You deserve to find love too Leah." I heard those words from my mother on a regular basis and hearing them coming from my love-sick imprinted Alpha was as equally annoying. The imprinted wolves loved to spout how cool and amazing the world was now that they were skipping in the fairy fields with their true loves.

All this mushy stuff was making me uncomfortable so I changed the subject asking, "Have you told your family yet about you leaving?"

"Dad knows," Jacob admitted his shoulders slumping as he flopped back down on the couch. It groaned again and I worried that it wasn't going to survive his treatment of it.

"I guess he wasn't happy about that," I commented. It explained why Billy sent Jacob straight over to me. I recalled he was trying to tell me that it was important Jake knew about my problems. He was hoping to use me to keep Jake here. Maybe I wouldn't maim him completely after all. I'd have to figure out another way to exact my vengeance.

"He yelled. _A lot._ All about my responsibilities as tribal chief, to the Res and the pack" Jacob let out a short bark of laughter. "We aren't moving until after the New Year so there's some time left to get everything in order. He didn't want to hear it. He seems to think a miracle will happen to change my mind." He glanced at me as I came to sit down on the arm of the loveseat.

"No chance you'd stay?" I questioned drawing one knee up to my chest as I stared directly into his face.

"I can't be without her." Just the thought of Nessie leaving without him caused a spasm of pain to cross his features. I pressed my lips together to keep from biting back an insult guaranteed to piss him off.

"When will you tell the boys?" Embry and Seth would probably take it the hardest. Seth would be really hurt. He very nearly worshipped the ground that Jacob and Edward both walked on. To lose both of them would hit him the hardest.

"Now that you now, they'll know soon enough."

Jacob stayed for a little bit, telling me about the plans Bella and Edward were making. They were going to be heading up to Alaska to join Carlisle and Esme for a few years with the Denali clan. Sometime about two in the morning, he finally decided to go back to Renesmee.

I had him out the door, my yawns telling me I wasn't going to be finishing my paper tonight as I had planned, when Jacob turned to remind me, "Give some thought to my suggestion about getting to know all the pack."

He just had to bring that up. I made a face at him and he chuckled reaching out to put me in a headlock, giving me a noogie in the process. I squirmed, wrestling against him to get out of his grip. Then he asked something completely out of character.

"What is that a new shampoo?" Jacob was sniffing my hair.

"It's saltwater you dope. I was at Strawberry Bay. Let me go!" I wriggled out of his grasp pulling back. Jacob had an odd expression on his face as he looked at me. His face was a mixture of surprise and disgust. "What?" I harrumphed at him. I knew I wasn't at my best, but I was planning to shower before bed.

He shook his head, the uncertainty that had been written on his face, gone by the time he turned to face the driveway. "Nothing, it's nothing. See you later Leah." He bounded down the steps calling over his shoulder. "Think about what I said!" He zipped off into the darkness, my eyes following until he ran out of sight in the trees.

**-WPWPWPWPWPWPWPWPWPWPWPWPWP-**

My dream started off pleasant as most of my dreams do. I was running in the forest in wolf form, delighting in the woodsy wonderland all around me. The sun was shining, no vampires would be out on a day like today, and I found myself chasing the spots of sunlight through the canopy of the trees overhead.

Ahead of me was a sun filled clearing, the summertime wild flowers and grasses bending in the soft breeze that below through from above. I sped up, leaping into the clearing and immediately rolling on my back to let the sunbeams warm me up. Dreams are nice like that. In the height of summer a fur coat is usually a bother, but here in my dream it felt wonderful.

There was a snap of a twig that alerted me that my presence in my little meadow was not alone. I leapt to my feet, spying a large russet wolf emerging in the direction I had just come from.

_Hello Oh Mighty Alpha! _I greeted out to Jake but he didn't even look in my direction. His dark black eyes were focused on the opposite side of the clearing. A low growl erupted from his throat and I swung my head around as an answering rumble challenged him back.

Sam broke through from the woods on the other side of the clearing, his ears flattened on his head, his lips drawn back over his teeth in aggression. He stalked forward in a crouch, coiled to spring at Jacob. Jacob's offensive stance was very similar as he flicked his tongue in and out of his mouth between his teeth, snarling at Sam.

_Woah! Guys, GUYS! Jake what the hell? What are you doing?_

Neither my Alpha nor my ex-Alpha paid any attention to me as they crept forward, their eyes focused on each other. I could sense through their body language they were each waiting for the other to strike first but I couldn't get Jake to pay attention to my yells through the pack mind link to stop.

It was like he wasn't even there. I couldn't feel his thoughts any more than I could hear Sam's after abandoning his pack.

As I watched their standoff come to a conclusion, they circled each other, growls and threats traded back and forth. I could only stand there and stare as Sam took the plunge first, rushing forward to snap at Jacob. His jaws closed on empty air as Jacob crouched and dodged. Sam turned jumping up to meet Jacob's lunge, their front paws locking with each other as they struggled for dominance.

I wanted to bolt forward to stop the two Alpha idiots, horrified by their hostile behavior towards each other, but my legs didn't move an inch. They were a blur of reddish brown and black fur as they wrestled, snapped, bit, claw, dug and tore into each other. As I focused on my disgust for their actions I was unnerved to say the least to find my wolf was practically glowing at their antics. I reeled in horror at realizing she was actually pleased by their fighting, waiting to see which Alpha would dominate the other.

_What the hell?_

I screeched internally, determined to find a way to get Jacob and Sam to quit fighting. I could see trails of blood coming from the marks their claws and teeth made to each other. My legs were pinned in place by my wolf's choosing and so I became determined to take back my own self.

I forced the phase to human, though it was dangerous to do so in the vicinity of the two dominating Alphas and rushed forward, barely aware of my nude state as I yelled at them full out "STOP STOP!."

The forest blurred slightly around me, making me stumble, or so I thought, until I realized the blur was a form that had passed me on the way to breaking apart the two wolves.

My mouth dropped open in horror as I saw long golden curls and skin that was too pale to be anything but undead. At first I thought it was Rosalie Cullen who got in the middle of the two wolves, reaching in with no fear to grab at their throats. The vampire turned to face me, her ruby red eyes burnint into mine.

It wasn't Rosalie. The vampire was older, more mature, wearing a long dress of deep burgundy that matched her blood thirsty eyes. She had Jacob and Sam by their throats, crushing their windpipes without even sparing them a glance. Her eyes were fixated on me, a vicious smile spreading across her face as she watched my fear and horror spread, my dream turning into a nightmare.

It should have been impossible for one single vampire to hold two wolves out from her at once without injury and yet she did. I screamed as Jake and Sam struggled feebly in her grip, the sounds of their whimpers echoing in my ears. She tightened her grip on each of them, their voices cutting off abruptly with a sickening snap.

Bile rose in my throat as she threw their limp bodies to the side. My vision went hazy and distorted as I became aware of screaming that was not my own. As I drew in a breath to focus, I realized my forest clearing had disappeared to become a Native American village, the kind you only see in Hollywood movies about our people. Bodies everywhere littered the ground, though some rushed around and behind me, fleeing from the vampire who was still stalking towards me.

I wanted to phase, to change and rip her to shreds but my feet once again paralyzed me into place. She was nearly upon me, her fangs glistening with venom as her eyes centered in on my throat. The fact that I was going to die without doing anything, did not escape me.

Her hands reached for me just as a blur of dark gray fur intercepted her. It was another wolf, one I had never seen before, older with white on his muzzle from age and darks streaks on his back. He barreled into her and they began fighting each other.

_NO!_

I could only watch helplessly as they fought each other, wrangling to gain the upper hand. The vampire was going to gain the advantage. She was so much stronger than the old wolf. I had seen her kill Jacob and Sam with little effort.

From beside me I heard a dim shout in the Quileute tongue as if hearing it from far off. My head swiveled to see a woman lurching forward on her feet. She had a dagger in her hand, heading for the vampire with it.

I yelled out but she didn't hear me. Weapons were no use against a vampire. My feet finally decided to kick start themselves and I lurched forward with the Quileute woman.

Suddenly she was no longer before me, but I was still walking and with a start I realized my hand was lifted, the dagger held forth. The vampire barely acknowledged me as she caught the wolf by the jaw, ready to rip its head from its body.

I screamed at her in Qulieute. I recognized the language and even caught perhaps one word that I could remember from language class in tenth grade. The vampire woman, the Cold One, she was laughing and I wanted to plunge the dagger into her even though it would be useless.

So I plunged it into myself instead.

I screamed. The pain was intense as the blade pierced my skin, plunging into my stomach. Blood spurted around the handle, soaking my fingers immediately. My scream cut off into a gurgle as the bile and blood backed up into my throat.

She lunged for my blood but I was not even paying attention to her anymore. Her fangs never made it to my throat because he was there, tearing her apart in a matter of moments.

I could feel the life draining from me, my spirit fading. My eyesight was growing dim but I managed to focus on a lone figure standing above me. Her black hair was braided straight with three brown eagle feathers pinned down her crown. She had a bag around her neck along with a robes I vaguely recognized that marked her as a Shaman in the tribe.

She leaned over to whisper to me in Quileute but I didn't know any of the words but one. "End."

This was my end. I was dying but at least the vampire had been killed. There was a surge of pain from my belly area as the shaman girl withdrew the knife from me and my stomach spasmed with pain. I choked again on bloody foam that erupted out of my mouth, wishing for a final bout of strength to leave this nightmare behind.

I was granted my wish as I abruptly flew upright, coughing and choking on my own spit. My dark eyes wheeled around wildly trying to gain my bearings, looking for the vampire and the wolf that had been fighting. Instead they found my bed, my dresser, my T.V. and my robe that I had tossed over the loveseat after my shower the night before. I could see immediately that I was in my own room, the late morning sunlight spilling in throught he windows.

My stomach was still spasming with pain from the knife that had impaled me and my hands immediately sought out that area of my body checking for signs of injury. There were none.

It _had_ been a dream.

I knew it had been a dream, but it had felt like the real thing. Relief over knowing I was safe in my own bed flooded my body. I raised my hand to my head, grimacing when I saw that I had been sweating hard enough to soak myself and the sheets. Either the summer heat or my nightmare had likely caused that. I threw back my covers, swinging my legs to get out of the bed.

I screamed.

Underneath my sheets, my pristine, stark white sheets, the bed was stained with bright red blood.

**-WPWPWPWPWPWPWPWPWPWPWPWPWP-**


	6. Chapter 6

_Rated: M for Mature due to language._

_Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended._

_Beta and Pre-read by October Skies_

**Chapter 6**

Twenty-nine months.

One hundred twenty-four weeks.

Eight hundred and eighty some odd days.

Twenty-nine months.

I tried to ignore the numbers rolling around in my head, counting up the days, weeks, years it had been since I had my last period. I tried to focus on bundling my sheets up together to take them to the washing machine. But no matter how many times I chased it away, the math kept popping up in my head.

In addition to washing my sheets, I also had to make plans to get something to stem the flow of blood other than the toilet paper I currently had wadded up in my underwear. It was the makeshift catch-all that women use when caught without the proper materials.

I hadn't needed a feminine hygiene product in twenty-nine months.

What the hell was going on? I had learned to accept the terrible truth about myself a long time ago when my monthly cycle had stopped. The theory was that my phasing caused my body to stop aging - stopping its natural rhythm cycles - thereby halting all natural occurrences including my period. For me it had meant the opportunity to have children was gone. I was sterile, and fertile, and barren.

I had been pissed off when I found out about it then. Nobody wants to get pregnant at a young age obviously, but later in life I had always imagined having the American dream with a modest house, a white picket fence and 2.5 kids playing in the front yard. My father used to joke about whether I wanted the torso or the legs on that half kid. My future dream had been ripped away from me and I had adjusted to the certainty of being bereft any future generations of Clearwaters from me.

Now I was pissed off for many reasons, the first being that I had no control over what was happening to me. My body was going rogue without my permission and I was ready to punch something or someone to vent my feelings. Secondly, it didn't help that I was experiencing full on cramps, the kind that lay a girl low for days. I had thought my stomach hurt as a lingering reminiscent from my dream. But as I stared at the blood on my sheets and came to realize where it was coming from, I also came to understand that my stomach pain was not part of my dream.

I had complained severely at the beginning of my "menopausal stage" to all of the boys in the pack who had steadily ignored my female problems. They couldn't understand why I had been so upset over the loss of my periods. Now, having them back, I had to question why I had complained too.

It wasn't just the pain - I had chewed through six pain pills to help with that and I was still feeling each cramp - but the blood as well. My nose was more sensitive as a wolf and I could smell it in the air around me. I was taking shorter, shallower breaths just to avoid the copper, salt smell that accompanied every step I took. It was revolting to me and I found myself wondering how in the hell vampires could diet on blood.

I also couldn't wrap my head around my screwed up life. Why me? Why now? What the hell?

The thought kept me company as I made my way down the stairs and out to my crappy P.O.S 1982 Corolla. I threw the bloodied sheets into the trunk of my car. I had shoved them down inside a plastic garbage bag. I went around to the battered driver's side door and opened it. The driver seat squeaked as I flopped into it and started the car up.

My first stop was going to be the market. It had been a long time since I had bought any sort of feminine hygiene product but I still knew which aisle to find them in. When I got there, I stood in the row where the various multi-hued packs were screaming for attention. Slender, Overnight, Regular. Crap on a stick. I didn't even know where to begin. What was a werewolf cycle like? Was it like a normal cycle? Should I invest in diaper size absorption?

I made a face at the thought of wearing super-sized adult diapers underneath my shorts.

Just to be on the safe side, I bought a variety of things including tampons, though I had major doubts about that one. What would happen to it if I phased? If it was inside my body what would happen? Would it just shoot out of me, expelled forcefully by the magic that shifted our bodies or would it shred up in there like our clothes and shoes did if we didn't remove them?

There were too many questions and doubts in my head. I had no clue what to expect out of a werewolf period. I felt helpless and stupid in my own ignorance about my body. There was one other thought that reverberated with the rest of them.

I want my Mom.

It was an irrational thought. How could I expect my mom to understand what was going on with me? I didn't, but I needed to see her anyway. She was the strong one in our family when my father died, immediately taking charge of all the arrangements, keeping her family together and balancing the new changes in her children. Sue Clearwater always seemed to have the right answers I needed to hear. Moms are great that way.

After leaving the store, I headed back home. Home. That was a strange thought. I should have reserved that thought for my apartment. With all my stuff in it, it should have been home. And yet as I pulled into the driveway of the two-story house I had grown up in, with its faded cream paint and navy blue shuttered windows, I knew I had returned home.

I hauled the sheet-filled plastic bag out of my trunk and walked around to the back door, knowing it would be open. Nobody locked their doors in La Push. There wasn't any need to. Neither my mother or brother was in the kitchen when I entered through the back so I yelled out, "Mom, I'm here!"

I toted my bag into the laundry room and set it on the floor. After getting the hot cycle ready to go with detergent, bleach and softener, I dumped my stained sheets into the washer and shut the lid. Although the smell of bleach would assault my nose the next few days, I preferred it over the smell of blood.

"Mom?!" I called out again as I left the laundry room. There was no answer. I wandered through the living room and looked up the stairs. "Mom?!" I started up them.

"Leah? What are you doing here sweetie?"

I turned on the steps. Sue stepped out of the den, her reading glasses held in one hand and sheafs of paper in the other.

"Mom!"

Maybe it was the stress of the past week. Maybe my loaded school schedule had put me past the point of no return. Maybe it was the oddity of the new apartment and having been only one week away on my own, missing my home. I'd stake high odds in a bet with Embry that it was the damn hormones running rampant through my body.

I burst into tears, flinging myself down the stairs at Sue and burying my head onto her shoulder. My mom staggered beneath my assault but managed to stay upright. I felt her arms come around me and the alarm in her voice as she asked, "Sweetie, what's wrong?!"

She guided me to the kitchen amidst my tears and incoherent babbling, sitting me down at the table. While I blubbered through the entire story, she busied herself, making me a tall glass of chocolate milk with ice cubes mixed in and set it in front of me with a straw. I smiled up tearfully at her as she sat across from me, remembering she'd make this for me as a child when I came home crying with a scraped knee, a bruised elbow or some other injury that would always happen outdoors. We were always rough housing when we weren't supposed to be.

Through sips of milk and tissues that appeared on the table between us, thanks to my always prepared mother, I told Sue my story. By the time I got done telling her about the nightmare and waking up to my period, my voice was hoarse and raspy, my eyes red-rimmed and there was a pile of used tissues between us that I had created all on my own.

"Honey why didn't you come talk to me earlier about this?" My mom reached up to stroke my hair back. "Seth told me something wasn't right with you. You know you can come to me."

"I know," I bit back a sniffle, wiping my nose on another tissue. My brain took a moment to collect itself and I realized I hadn't heard Seth once while we'd been talking. "Where is Seth?" I glanced towards the living room.

"He stayed last night at Colin's house." Sue supplied the explanation for his absence. "Let's get back to you and what's going on with you Leah." She stood up, getting the garbage can and sweeping all my tissues into the trash. She followed it with wiping down the table and then the kitchen counters even though they were already clean. I had developed that habit from her. When we can't control something, Clearwater women clean the house.

"I don't know what's wrong with me," I slumped down on my arms in front of my chocolate milk. I bit the tip of the straw between my teeth and chewed it dejectedly.

My mother turned around to stare at me. She had a pensive look on her face and after a few moments in which she didn't say a word, I finally groused, "What?"

She raised an eyebrow at my irritated tone and my cheeks turned red with shame. "I'm sorry Mom," I apologized. She wasn't the reason for my ill-tempered mood. I stirred my straw around in my milk.

"Maybe you're not looking at this from the right direction." Sue leaned against the counter, crossing her arms over her chest.

"What direction is that?"

"Well," Sue's face was set in an expression of grim determination. I knew that look. She had something to tell me and she knew I wasn't going to like it. I felt dread pool in my stomach. "I think you need to look at this from a non-human point of view Leah."

My brow furrowed as I stared at her.

"Your wolf," Sue uncrossed her arms and pushed herself off from the counter. "I'm talking about your wolf, Honey." She beckoned me to follow her out of the kitchen.

"When you kids first phased," she explained as she led me out of the kitchen. "I did a lot of reading and studying up on the legends of our tribe. Billy helped me with that." I followed her into the study where she usually did the household bills and kept the family computer. "But, I also did some research on wolves to try to understand what you two were going through."

Sue cleared off a metal chair that had stacks of coupons laying on it. "Sit down here. I haven't gotten around to going through these things yet." She placed the coupon pile on a filing cabinet that was cluttered with other papers. That was my Mom. She was clean in the rest of the house, but the study was nothing but a paper jungle. She kept everything - receipts, bills, bank statements - anything that might somehow come in handy someday. And it was all in this cluttered little study.

I sat in the chair as Mom booted up the computer. "What are we looking at?" I queried as my mom sat down in the one chair in the room that was comfortable. It was a black leather, executive office chair. It had been my Dad's when he was still alive.

"We're going to look at the reproductive cycle of a female wolf."

My cheeks flamed up instantly. So that's what she had meant by looking at the situation from my wolf side. I leaned back in my chair, crossing my arms over my chest, a frown on my lips. Sue glanced at me, her lips quirking as I could see her fighting the urge to smile.

She pulled open a web browser. My mom's hands didn't even touch the keyboard as she clicked a few buttons. "Here we go," she stated, turning the computer monitor so that we both could view it.

"You have it bookmarked?" I could not be any redder than a cherry tomato at this point. My frown turned into a full blown scowl.

"Don't look at me like that Leah." My mom's tone was reprimanding and had that Mom tone to it. She wasn't about to take any crap from me. "You're going to have to get over yourself missy. You try having two teenage werewolves at home and see how much you need to learn to adjust to it."

My embarrassed fury melted away into the familiar guilt that always ate at me. Our lives had completely changed the moment Seth and I phased and we had drug our mother into the mess with us. It was no fair to her or my Dad that this had happened in the first place. "I'm sorry Mom," my voice was quiet as I spoke. The only sound in the house was the steady drone of the computer tower.

"Apology accepted," Sue smiled at me. "Now let me show you what I've learned about the female werewolf reproductive cycle."

I had to stop myself from grimacing at the very words. Great. Just great. I was getting the birds and bees talk all over again. Kill me now.

There was a lot of information out there. A LOT. My brain was in overload by the time we were done. Female wolves in the wild would become reproductively accessible by the time they were between two to three years of age. Sue felt the need to point out that was how long I had been a wolf, like I didn't know that fact.

"But it says here they only breed in the winter!" I tried to point out that fact, stabbing my finger to the computer screen. "It's barely the beginning of August!"

"Well you are the first female wolf shapeshifter and we don't know-."

"Much about me," I finished in a grouchy tone. Billy and Sue were in complete agreement on that one. Why was I the first to pioneer this path?

"I think you might be in the proestrus stage, the first stage," Mom was looking back at the computer screen. "Bleeding, frequent urination - have you peed a lot today?"

"Mo-o-om!" I was appalled that she even had asked me that. Groaning, I buried my face in my hands and said, "No, not that it's any of your business." While denying that very fact, I became aware that I did indeed have to go.

"Sorry baby, just trying to help."

I got up and stomped upstairs to use the bathroom. I had put on a pad at the store bathroom but the smell was overwhelming my senses, making me gag, so I had to go retrieve another pad to change. This was going to get old fast. I stomped back downstairs asking, "How long does it last?"

"Seven to ten days," Sue was ready with an answer. "I think you're going to have to skip patrols sweetie."

I groaned again. "How am I going to explain my absence? And what if we're wrong? What if this is just a completely normal human period?"

Oh who was I kidding by even asking that? I haven't been normal in a long time. "It's better to take precautions." Sue reached over, removing the cordless phone from its charger on the desk. "Here. Call Jacob."

"And say what exactly?" I asked as I took the phone from my mom's hand. I knew the Cullen's number from memory and punched it in.

"You could tell him the truth."

I listened as the phone rang a few times and someone picked it up. "_Cullen residence_." Ugh. Even though it was just through the phone, I could hear the strange cadence in the female vampire's voice that gave them their 'siren call' to lure unsuspecting humans into trusting them.

"Hello Bella. Is Jacob there?"

"_Oh. Hello Leah. Sure, let me get him_." I didn't miss the drop in her tone as Bella realized it was me on the phone. Neither one of us made each other's top five favorite people list.

Thanks to my wolf hearing, I could tell that Bella had opened a door and was calling outside for my Alpha. I also heard when he entered and they laughed together for a moment at something Nessie had done outside. I rolled my eyes even though only my mother could see. After a moment Jacob's voice greeted me on the phone.

"_S'up Beta-cup?"_

I was talking to Miss Mary Sunshine apparently. Jacob sounded like he was in a great mood, joking around and that only served to make me feel more like a sour puss. I had to bite back a sarcastic remark. I was a woman on a mission and didn't want to piss Jake off by insulting him.

"JakeIneedtimeoffandwon' ?Knewyou'dunderstand, thanks." I said it in a rush, pulling the phone rapidly away from my ear. I had my finger on the OFF button to cut off the call when I heard him yell, _"Woah woah woah! Leah!"_

I cursed internally. My mom was smirking at me, familiar with the tactic as I had used it on her several times as a teenager. Reluctantly I pulled the phone back to my ear and managed a calm, "What?", like I hadn't just spewed a bunch of strung together words at him.

"_What's going on? Why do you need time off?"_

"I can't really tell you that," I told him. "It's personal." I reached up, pulling through my short, dark hair in frustration.

"_Leah that's a lot of time off. What's wrong? Does it have to do with what we talked about last night?"_

"It's only four days Jacob if you look at the patrol schedule." I danced around addressing the issue of what was wrong. The boys never liked hearing about my female problems anyways and I really didn't feel like sharing this particular one.

"_Why can't you patrol?"_

"I just can't." I gritted my teeth. "Look, I'll get someone to swap and cover my shifts and do double duty the next schedule." At that point my mother cleared her throat loudly and I glanced at her. She made a 'gimme' gesture with her hand and I passed the phone to her.

"Jacob this is Mrs. Clearwater," Sue said that into the phone. I could hear Jacob greet her, his tone changing from casual, to polite in an instant.

My mom wasted no time in getting straight to the point like I would have. "Leah won't be able to participate in the patrol schedule for the next month. I realize this will be an inconvenience but you'll have to adapt your schedule accordingly."

I gaped at my mother. She had said ten days. Why was the number changing to a month? Sue shook her head at me, halting any questions for the moment.

"_Mrs. Clearwater what's going on? Is Leah okay?" _I could hear the worry in Jake's tone and it surprised me that he would be concerned for me.

"Leah's fine Jacob."

"_Then what's going on?"_

Sue, a better diplomat than I could ever be said, "When we've sorted that out, you'll be the first to know Jacob, I promise. In the meantime, as one of the tribal council members, I am excusing my daughter from patrol for the next month, in her best interest."

I know my mouth was hanging open like my father's stuffed, large-mouth bass that hung on the wall over the fireplace in the living room. Sue kept deflecting Jake's multiple questions on the phone for about twenty minutes straight. He was trying to unearth any information, even ranting how a good Beta didn't keep secrets from an Alpha. Sue interrupted him by saying, "Leah will be fine. We will talk about this later Jacob. I'm hanging up now. Good-bye."

She hit the OFF button and I immediately pounced on her, asking, "What the hell Mom? A month?"

"Language Leah," Sue's glare scolded me worse than her tone did. "Yes a month." She pointed to the website we had been looking at. "If you are experiencing a wolf's reproductive cycle, you're just at the first stage. A full cycle lasts almost a month."

My eyebrows shot into my hairline at that. "I'm going to have my period for a month?!"

"Here, read for yourself." Sue stood up, offering me the comfortable chair. I sat down in it and started to read. With each word, I grew more embarrassed and horrified by what could be happening to me.

21 days.

A wolf's reproductive cycle lasts 21 days. Almost a month. If I thought the first day was bad, it was only going to get worse.


End file.
